the *REAL* reason Eastman and Laird broke up!
 

DATE LINE JUNE 11 2003

For several years people have debated over the real reason for the break up of Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird, creators of the mega-popular Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise. However today, we have recieved word as to what the OFFICIAL reason is. Money? Control? Power? Fame? Surprisingly, no. According to Kevin Eastman, Peter Laird just "Flipped his lid".
"We just started going in completely different creative directions. The problem really started when I realized that the possibility was very strong that Peter had never seen a naked woman.. I tried to show him the latest cover of Heavy Metal I was working on, and he flipped his lid and yelled, and I quote, 'Master Splinter would not approve!' I was just like, What the F*CK are you talking about?"

Kevin went on to tell us that Peter then began throwing plastic sais at him and yelling "Get out of our Secret Lair, Shredder!!!"

"I tried to mend fences, really," Kevin told us, referring to his attempts to contact Laird after his emotional breakdown. "I went to his house with his birthday present... rang the bell, he wouldnt open the door, just looked at me through the window... he started yelling about how he'd 'never join forces with an evildoer like you'... I could barely see it, but he was wearing his Ninja Turtle pajamas under his suit. Donatello, it was. I was so ashamed...."

Our reporter failed to contact Peter Laird for comment. Upon attempting to call his home, all that was heard was an answering machine tape which said the following:

"Kevin Eastman? WHO CARES about Kevin Eastman?! He meant NOTHING to this franchise! SO WHAT if he sleeps with Julie Strain? I have my deluxe Mirage Leonardo statue with RED bandana! Do you hear me?! RED! REEEEEEED!!!"

Our reporter could not resist asking Kevin one final question: Does he make his wife, model Julie Strain, sing the Ninja Turtles theme song during "suiet moments"?

Kevin smiled upon hearing the question. "Of course," he replied. "And every time she gets the names mixed up, it's a donkey punch."
--Reporter Gregory Helms, Northampton Gazette

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

:lol: :lol:

That was really funny!! "Master Splinter would not approve!!!" :P

:lol: .....wait...Master Splinter WOULDN'T aprove! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
*throws plates*

:lol: He just become to envolved with TMNT. Poor poor laird. :lol:

:lol: :lol: :lol:

That's brilliant.

Was that the reason or was that a joke? I wounder if the Eastman & Laird Cops have that problem. :roll:

Historical innacuracies prove that was a joke, and a good one at that. Now, I like Peter Laird, but right now, I'm a little pissed off at him for killing off Splinter.

Heh... y'got us, Brother Tetsu. Nothing gets by you. :lol:

It started last night with a chat GK and I were having... it was really late (well, here in NJ anyway) and it quickly descended into goofiness as we started just making random jokes about Peter Laird, fans who argue over stuff like bandanna colors (red vs colored), and how Kevin Eastman gets to cuddle Julie Strain. Most of Eastman's "quotes" were mine, GK came up with the "newspaper article" idea and set it up in that format and wrote the body, and then I corrected some minor spelling mistakes (one or two slipped past though). We figured it'd be funny, and apparently it was. :D

nWo Tech: We Write Funny Sh*t! :evilgrin:

Edit: Come to think of it, I think GK has the original IM saved... I'd bet dollars to donuts that it's even funnier than the "article"... :lol:

For a minute there, I almost thought this was from "The Onion"...

And don't tell me Splinter was killed in issue 10... :cry:

Ok... I won't tell you... (whistles, looks around aimlessly)

Hmm hm hmmmmmm... HEY, Rez, what's THAT? :o

SPLAT! ("Splats" a pie in Rez's face)

Heh, sorry pal... but you know what they say about "when all else fails..." :D

too bad it wasn't true... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Wow, that's a big compliment!

Thanks for the responces guys! me and Leo just knew what we had was comedy gold and had to make it in to a "news" article.

Our actual AIM chats are funnier, but by the time we removed anything ban-worthy and all the potential lawsuit material, there wouldn't be much left to laugh at. We should start saving those for a highlight reel. :lol:

Too funny. Too funny. :lol:

Oh jeese! This thread has me laughing so hard that my eyes are tearing up. Oh what I wouldn't give to see a grown man running around throwing plastic sais at another grown man. But I have to agree about Heavy Metal man. That is some nasty stuff. I mean there's only so many 2 D naked women I can stand before I feel like torching a graphic novel. I mean you could create a drinking game based on how many times you see animated boobs being flashed in the animated movie. Of course I'm kinda biased because I'm a *gasp!* girl.

Holy crap!!!! you're a girl!?!?!? :o :o :o

eh! a goji fan is a goji fan

Wow a female Godzilla fan! There is justice in the world! And, anyway, I happen to love Heavy Metal. I mean, I'm a guy (straight BTW), but I don't mind male nudity in comics. I don't see the reason for a girl to mind female nudity.

Well, as you can tell, I'm a lady. I really don't like seeing other woman's breasts 2D, 3D, Live and in color, etc. etc. It's a real turn off for me. I mean I'm not attracted to women so the flashing of breasts tends to make me want to run for cover. Now if you were to show me a finely buffed looking man, he doesn't necessarily need to be naked, I'm interested. I mean Hugh Jackman in X2 was just so hunky. You can tell he worked out like a crazy. And yes, I love Goji films. I have been a fan ever since I was a little kid, and that was quite awhile ago. I guess i am a rare breed. A lady who loves Goji, Ninja Turtles, and sporting events. Well I'm not a baseball fan but I'd love to go see a live Hockey or Football game.

http://www.wrestleology.com/images/wwf/nash.jpg

And this guy I had the biggest crush on way back. He still looks pretty good too. Love the blond hair too.But enough of my off topic Gurly Gurl drooling!