What Grinds Your Gears? :)

[MsMarvelDuckie]

Originally Posted by Leo656

I'unno, I've said before many times, I don't think relationships work and I don't think people should get involved with them. But that's not very realistic. I'unno, I used to really try and not vent so much about it, but I got sick of her trashing me on FB to the whole world, so now I just vent when I feel like.

And we're kind of common law "married". Not only does an actual wedding cost money we don't have, I kind of don't believe anyone should ever get married, since, statistically, it doesn't work, and getting out of it once you're in it can literally ruin lives just because of how the laws work. At least with things being the way they are, either of us could just leave if it ever got *that* bad. And even when the subject of breaking it off has come up, we both realize that wouldn't solve anything, we'd each just have a whole new set of bigger problems to deal with and one less person helping deal with them.

I think that's where most people truly are, relationship-wise: Kind of wishing they never got in so deep, kind of realizing that getting out would only make everything worse.

Originally Posted by Dawnatello Turtle Chick

My sister is freaking out and wants him back. My mom & I went to visit her to be supportive and we both really think she was having reservations about marrying him (which she admits she was) and was subconsciously trying to sabotage the relationship. I definitely think she screwed up by cheating, but I am afraid she'll screw up more if she talks him into taking her back. But then it will be worse since she talked him into taking her back but she still doesn't feel that she should marry him. I 100% believe he is a mistake and not just a settling mistake but a huge mistake. I feel kinda bad saying this, but I really hope he doesn't take her back. She deserves so much better. But we don't want to say that yet because she is still convinced that he is great. My heart goes out to her and I hope she sees she has much better long term options!

I really feel for both of you guys. Leo, I know it sometimes seems that all relationships are nothing but trouble, but just remember that there IS such a thing as a "match made in heaven". I'm living proof. My husband may not be perfect (he never went to college, has always worked low-end jobs, and he's been diabetic since he was 3- so there have certainly been hardships in our relationship) but he's a decent, caring, and unselfish guy who not only appreciates me, but even now that he's no longer working due to his recent amputation and other diabetic-related problems, he still does what he can to take care of me. I'm now the sole bread-winner, so it really helps to know that he's there to relieve the stress when I come home.

We've been through more together than I care to think about sometimes, like a failed move cross-country that basically consisted of going from Texas to Pennsylvania in a moving van with almost no money, and then having to drive right back when the "family" that had offered to help suddenly changed their minds once we got there. And it ended with us spending a week cramped in the truck with our cat, only to have to call my grandmother to ask for a place to stay to get back on our feet. And at the time, she already had my uncle, his ex-wife, and their four kids living with her in a two bedroom house with a garage that was semi-converted into another bedroom. And we were there for three and a half years.

And then there have been all his health problems- he's had at least five really bad insulin reactions since we've been together, and each time, I was terrified that I'd lose him. All of them ended with hospital stays of at least a day. And two of those happened while he was already there for his foot amputation. Apparently the doctor decided to change his insulin type and it did not work for him. Damn doctor almost killed him three times! (The last one was less than two days after he'd just been released, while still using the insulin the doctor gave him. We went back to his old type.) but We have always been there for each other, and even when we fight, it's never for long, and we always manage to make up and stick things out. There is nothing so bad that I'd ever want to leave him, or cheat, or anything else. And he's never given me a reason not to trust him, even though he's not the best with money and I have to keep an eye on our finances.

The point is that in spite of all those things, I've never felt like I was settling, and he makes me as happy now as we were when we first got together. We laugh together every day, share interests and hobbies, and rarely disagree except over minor things like what movies or music we like. I'm not the best housekeeper, but he rarely complains, and he does most of the cooking since I am usually too tired to do it after a long day on my feet. These things all mean a lot. Truth be told, I sometimes feel sorry for the people who talk about bad relationships, because I consider myself very lucky in finding someone who not only loves me, but doesn't try to change who I am or control me. I lived with that kind of person for 15 years of my life growing up with a controlling, petty, racist, and self-important stepfather. My other half is so completely different from him that it's like night and day, and I', grateful to have found someone so wonderful. So it DOES happen- it's not just a fairy tale. Then again, maybe I just found a prince among frogs.....