What the hell do I do?

~~Leo656~~ · 09-28-2003, 01:14 AM

Sorry to rip off Lance Storm, but, "if I can be serious for a minute..."

This is going to be a VERY long post, and I apologize in advance, but I NEED help.

Long story short... well, I'm single. Engagement's off after 3 years, women are scum, yadda yadda yadda.

Long version...

She's spoiled, selfish, inconsiderate, whiny, rude, insensitive, makes fun at me when I'm hurt and bleeding, calls me a baby when I'm sick and dying, threatened to break up with me if I didn't have sex with her and now claims that I force her to do it...

This girl had no friends before I met her. Not one. She was suicidal. In all honesty, I probably saved her life just by talking to her... we didn't start going out until about 6 months later, and it took a lot to get me that far.

See, I'd had a lot of bad relationships, and I'll be perfectly honest: By that point, I was thoroughly convinced that all women were selfish, spoiled, lying, inconsiderate tramps who thought their vaginas were lined with solid gold and that all guys need kowtow to their every whim. After I spent a lot of time with her, she was seemingly all I really wanted... we had a lot in common (a LOT), and for the first time I knew I was with someone who wouldn't cheat on me. So I decided to drop my guard and give her a chance, and I was happy with her. I could never really say I was completely happy with anyone before her.

But she almost never seemed to be. When I'd try and do anything for her, she found something wrong with it. She badmouths me in front of my friends, my family, even strangers. She tells everyone I never buy her things... look, I'll be completely honest: when I have my week budget planned out, and I can only afford a few select things, and I see some figure or something that I've been searching for for weeks, damn right I'm going to put me first, because nobody else is going to. I never lied to her even before we started going out: I take care of ME first, everyone else in life comes second, and she could either deal with that or she couldn't, period, but it wasn't going to change.

But when I did do something for her, it still wasn't enough. The only time she's happy is if we cuddle on the bed. I work hard at my job, and when I lay down I pass out... and when I fall asleep, she gets even MORE mad... so I keep busy, I go on the computer, I draw, I play videogames... all with her less than two feet away making sure she's ok. We go out every weekend, I pay for her gas half the time... but if I can't afford to buy her flowers or go bowling because I have to spend 40 dollars a week on cab fare to get to work, I'm the most selfish person who ever lived.

Getting to the here and now, she apparently told my father that I'm selfish, mean, and I force her to have sex (which is a LOT of bull b/c days before she was like "I love getting you all worked up by acting like I dont want it, it's so fun that way"), so she was either lying to him or lying to me, and either way she's a scumbag for it.

He told me this after she left tonight, and when she came online I confronted her about it... so here's some choice parts, because I need some advice and it's best you get some perspective on the situation...

------------------------------------------
KalEl656: so you tell my father I'm bossy, pushy, mean, selfish, and that I force you to have sex... gee, I love you too, "sweetheart"
Mary: Whhhahhhhhat!?
Mary: No way man
Mary: WTF?
Mary: I never said that!
KalEl656: said you were all bitching yesterday
KalEl656: well thats just great
Mary: No I wasn't
KalEl656: somehow I dont believe you since he was on MY side Thursday night but just now was chastising me saying you told him I dont treat you right
Mary: You treat me fine damnit.
Mary: I never said that ****
Mary: Wait. I never say you don't treat me right. I just wish that you'd do certin things that you don't.

(didn't she just say she didnt say any of that....?)

KalEl656: you told him I force you to have sex... I KNOW you told him that because he'd have no reason to say that if you didnt say it
KalEl656: so now you DON'T get laid anymore, period. Dont even ask. It's not worth the ********

Mary: If you were listening to me, you'd understand what I'm trying to say but you think it's something else.
KalEl656: I'm listening to you tell me I force you to have sex, so I've decided that I dont care how good it is, you dont get it anymore because frankly, I only do it to make you happy
Mary: So then your saying it was meaningless?
KalEl656: I'm saying that I was perfectly happy waiting until YOU forced ME to **** you by threatening to basically stop acting like my girlfriend, and now you only want to do it when I'm sick, or tired, or doing something else,... It's too much like work with you. I'm fed up. No more.
KalEl656: want to break up over it? Fine. But I'm through listening to you badmouth me to anyone who will listen, from my father to the cashier at the mall.
KalEl656: here you go typing up another novel about how I refuse to listen to you. Yknow what? I do listen to you. Constantly. I just really hate what I'm hearing and I'm tired of it.

KalEl656: if you're not happy, and the things I do to try and MAKE you happy arent enough, then you need to get the hell out of this relationship
KalEl656: because I am NOT going to change
KalEl656: I am sorry to be honest with you, but the most important person in my life is, was, and will always be ME
KalEl656: not you
KalEl656: ME
Mary: It should be me because of all the **** I do for you. I stick by you no matter what. For all the things that you've done, I could have left, I still can but I won't because I love you. I give you rides everywhere you wanna go, I pick up things for you, I take all the "Look at that ass!" stuff and you know no other girl would ever do that for you. You should be thanking god you have me.
Mary: I ****ing take all the **** you do to me when you get pissed off and out of hand because I love you.
KalEl656: I do, but I also realize that no matter what, you'll never be completely happy with me, and that's all I ever wanted: someone who was happy with ME. And you aren't. No matter how much you say you are, you still wish I was different in some way. And that's not good enough for me. I know that nobody will ever love me for who I am, and I told you that before we ever started going out. But you wouldnt listen. You never do. All you do is hope and hope that somehow, I'll wake up and be the knight in shining armor you want me to be so badly.
KalEl656: Well, tough ****, cuz it aint happening.
KalEl656: In fact, I'm so fed up with this, that our relationship is officially over
KalEl656: and I am NOT taking no for an answer
KalEl656: you dont love me for what I am, you love what you want me to be and complain constantly about what I'm NOT

KalEl656: it's alright for you to call me names and hit me and cut me open but if I do anything to you you cry and moan and whine
Mary: I call you names because I'm playing around, I hit you because your a man and it wouldn't hurt you and sometimes it's also a reflex and I don't mean it, I cut you open always by accident. No offence but when you get cut or something you act like a wuss
KalEl656: I can hardly believe I'm being called a wuss by someone who cries like a baby when I dont even do anything... "owwww my back!" "owwwww my wrist!" "Owwwww my whatever imaginary injury I have this week!" go **** yourself
Mary: Those are different. I'm a GIRL your a GUY.
KalEl656: and it hurts just as much when someone slices me open with a tape measure... a tape measure aint exactly sharp, Mary, thats a ****ed up way to get cut open. I'll be sure and slice you open with one and see what happens and how you react

(earlier tonight Mary accidentally sliced me open with the edge of a tape measure... she's also sliced me open with razors, kicked me in the balls, hit me on the head with stuff... she's a dangerous girl to know, even if they are accidents)

KalEl656: its the same when I get sick
KalEl656: all you do is badmouth me
KalEl656: well I'm SICK OF IT
KalEl656: you know what? I really, really hate you
KalEl656: I hate your mouth
KalEl656: I hate your whining
KalEl656: I hate the way you badmouth me in front of people
KalEl656: I hate the way you dwell on every single argument
KalEl656: I hate how nothing is good enough for you
KalEl656: I hate how spoiled and selfish you are and then you dare accuse me of the same thing
KalEl656: in fact, I can hardly find one thing I DON'T hate about you anymore
KalEl656: nobody ever had the gall to treat me the way you do. Ever. You're nothing but a spoiled, whiny little daddy's girl who had everything in life handed to her and has no idea what the real world is like. You laugh at other people's misfortune when you've never had anything bad happen to you in your life. You laugh when I get sick and puke blood, when you've never had anything more than a runny nose in your entire miserable life. You tell me to start driving when the only reason you can is because someone bought you a ****ing car and *I* pay for your gas half the time. One day, someone even dumber than me is going to marry you, and the relationship we have is going to seem like a picnic when he beats you until the day he cant take it anymore, strangles you and buries you in his yard like your sister's friend.

(ok, that was entirely me being a HUGE jerk... but everything I said was also true)

Mary: I'm not a daddy's girl. He doesn't love me. Now go away.
KalEl656: news flash kid:
KalEl656: NOBODY loves you

Mary: Your funny when your mad
KalEl656: I told James... I told Jahi... NEVER get involved with ****ing virgins
KalEl656: and yet I thought somehow I was smarter than them and could manage it
Mary: Hey, you agreed to **** me.
KalEl656: you said you'd break up if we didnt, I was trying to save our relationship
Mary: I did? Hmm. I forgot.

-----------------------------------------
After that we just stopped talking and eventually she signed off. Now I confess, I said a lot of mean, spiteful things in that conversation, but all of them were also true. If I come off like a jerk to anyone, fine, I can't say I blame you. But remember my side and that I was, for lack of a better term, "fighting back".

But here's the problem...

We've been through this a million times before. A few people on the NTML might recall that I've more than once lamented the loss of my relationship. Well, the same thing happens every time, and I know it's going to happen tomorrow. She's going to come over, cry her eyes out, beg forgiveness, blame herself for everything and eventually I'll feel so guilty that I'll end up forgiving her. It always happens.

Is it worth it? I need the opinions of people who aren't close to the situation, people with no bias whatsoever. I have been genuinely, truly happy with this girl. In fact, the only time I'm not is when she throws all the bad stuff about me in my face, be it real or lies, and when she says the same things to people behind my back. I've been with her for three years. I have/had every intention of spending the rest of my life with her.

Keep in mind, also, that if this relationship does end, I'm through with relationships forever, because nothing good ever comes from them. I went through high school surviving on casual sex alone, and quite frankly if I wasn't so attached to Mary I could go back to that way of life in a heartbeat and never feel an ounce of remorse.

But I love her. And I know that I'm going to forgive her.

You know the story. I need some advice. What should I do?

Should I put up with all the aggravation and B.S. because I love her? Or should I say the hell with it and go back to treating women like faceless, emotionless pieces of meat? (no offense to women, but there's a reason guys do it, and it's to AVOID SH*T LIKE WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH NOW)

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Help me. Please.

09-28-2003, 01:14 AM	#1
~~Leo656~~ Banned Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: nWo Country Posts: 27,703	What the hell do I do? Sorry to rip off Lance Storm, but, "if I can be serious for a minute..." This is going to be a VERY long post, and I apologize in advance, but I NEED help. Long story short... well, I'm single. Engagement's off after 3 years, women are scum, yadda yadda yadda. Long version... She's spoiled, selfish, inconsiderate, whiny, rude, insensitive, makes fun at me when I'm hurt and bleeding, calls me a baby when I'm sick and dying, threatened to break up with me if I didn't have sex with her and now claims that I force her to do it... This girl had no friends before I met her. Not one. She was suicidal. In all honesty, I probably saved her life just by talking to her... we didn't start going out until about 6 months later, and it took a lot to get me that far. See, I'd had a lot of bad relationships, and I'll be perfectly honest: By that point, I was thoroughly convinced that all women were selfish, spoiled, lying, inconsiderate tramps who thought their vaginas were lined with solid gold and that all guys need kowtow to their every whim. After I spent a lot of time with her, she was seemingly all I really wanted... we had a lot in common (a LOT), and for the first time I knew I was with someone who wouldn't cheat on me. So I decided to drop my guard and give her a chance, and I was happy with her. I could never really say I was completely happy with anyone before her. But she almost never seemed to be. When I'd try and do anything for her, she found something wrong with it. She badmouths me in front of my friends, my family, even strangers. She tells everyone I never buy her things... look, I'll be completely honest: when I have my week budget planned out, and I can only afford a few select things, and I see some figure or something that I've been searching for for weeks, damn right I'm going to put me first, because nobody else is going to. I never lied to her even before we started going out: I take care of ME first, everyone else in life comes second, and she could either deal with that or she couldn't, period, but it wasn't going to change. But when I did do something for her, it still wasn't enough. The only time she's happy is if we cuddle on the bed. I work hard at my job, and when I lay down I pass out... and when I fall asleep, she gets even MORE mad... so I keep busy, I go on the computer, I draw, I play videogames... all with her less than two feet away making sure she's ok. We go out every weekend, I pay for her gas half the time... but if I can't afford to buy her flowers or go bowling because I have to spend 40 dollars a week on cab fare to get to work, I'm the most selfish person who ever lived. Getting to the here and now, she apparently told my father that I'm selfish, mean, and I force her to have sex (which is a LOT of bull b/c days before she was like "I love getting you all worked up by acting like I dont want it, it's so fun that way"), so she was either lying to him or lying to me, and either way she's a scumbag for it. He told me this after she left tonight, and when she came online I confronted her about it... so here's some choice parts, because I need some advice and it's best you get some perspective on the situation... ------------------------------------------ KalEl656: so you tell my father I'm bossy, pushy, mean, selfish, and that I force you to have sex... gee, I love you too, "sweetheart" Mary: Whhhahhhhhat!? Mary: No way man Mary: WTF? Mary: I never said that! KalEl656: said you were all bitching yesterday KalEl656: well thats just great Mary: No I wasn't KalEl656: somehow I dont believe you since he was on MY side Thursday night but just now was chastising me saying you told him I dont treat you right Mary: You treat me fine damnit. Mary: I never said that ** Mary: Wait. I never say you don't treat me right. I just wish that you'd do certin things that you don't. (didn't she just say she didnt say any of that....?) KalEl656: you told him I force you to have sex... I KNOW you told him that because he'd have no reason to say that if you didnt say it KalEl656: so now you DON'T get laid anymore, period. Dont even ask. It's not worth the **** Mary: If you were listening to me, you'd understand what I'm trying to say but you think it's something else. KalEl656: I'm listening to you tell me I force you to have sex, so I've decided that I dont care how good it is, you dont get it anymore because frankly, I only do it to make you happy Mary: So then your saying it was meaningless? KalEl656: I'm saying that I was perfectly happy waiting until YOU forced ME to you by threatening to basically stop acting like my girlfriend, and now you only want to do it when I'm sick, or tired, or doing something else,... It's too much like work with you. I'm fed up. No more. KalEl656: want to break up over it? Fine. But I'm through listening to you badmouth me to anyone who will listen, from my father to the cashier at the mall. KalEl656: here you go typing up another novel about how I refuse to listen to you. Yknow what? I do listen to you. Constantly. I just really hate what I'm hearing and I'm tired of it. KalEl656: if you're not happy, and the things I do to try and MAKE you happy arent enough, then you need to get the hell out of this relationship KalEl656: because I am NOT going to change KalEl656: I am sorry to be honest with you, but the most important person in my life is, was, and will always be ME KalEl656: not you KalEl656: ME Mary: It should be me because of all the I do for you. I stick by you no matter what. For all the things that you've done, I could have left, I still can but I won't because I love you. I give you rides everywhere you wanna go, I pick up things for you, I take all the "Look at that ass!" stuff and you know no other girl would ever do that for you. You should be thanking god you have me. Mary: I ing take all the you do to me when you get pissed off and out of hand because I love you. KalEl656: I do, but I also realize that no matter what, you'll never be completely happy with me, and that's all I ever wanted: someone who was happy with ME. And you aren't. No matter how much you say you are, you still wish I was different in some way. And that's not good enough for me. I know that nobody will ever love me for who I am, and I told you that before we ever started going out. But you wouldnt listen. You never do. All you do is hope and hope that somehow, I'll wake up and be the knight in shining armor you want me to be so badly. KalEl656: Well, tough , cuz it aint happening. KalEl656: In fact, I'm so fed up with this, that our relationship is officially over KalEl656: and I am NOT taking no for an answer KalEl656: you dont love me for what I am, you love what you want me to be and complain constantly about what I'm NOT KalEl656: it's alright for you to call me names and hit me and cut me open but if I do anything to you you cry and moan and whine Mary: I call you names because I'm playing around, I hit you because your a man and it wouldn't hurt you and sometimes it's also a reflex and I don't mean it, I cut you open always by accident. No offence but when you get cut or something you act like a wuss KalEl656: I can hardly believe I'm being called a wuss by someone who cries like a baby when I dont even do anything... "owwww my back!" "owwwww my wrist!" "Owwwww my whatever imaginary injury I have this week!" go yourself Mary: Those are different. I'm a GIRL your a GUY. KalEl656: and it hurts just as much when someone slices me open with a tape measure... a tape measure aint exactly sharp, Mary, thats a ed up way to get cut open. I'll be sure and slice you open with one and see what happens and how you react (earlier tonight Mary accidentally sliced me open with the edge of a tape measure... she's also sliced me open with razors, kicked me in the balls, hit me on the head with stuff... she's a dangerous girl to know, even if they are accidents) KalEl656: its the same when I get sick KalEl656: all you do is badmouth me KalEl656: well I'm SICK OF IT KalEl656: you know what? I really, really hate you KalEl656: I hate your mouth KalEl656: I hate your whining KalEl656: I hate the way you badmouth me in front of people KalEl656: I hate the way you dwell on every single argument KalEl656: I hate how nothing is good enough for you KalEl656: I hate how spoiled and selfish you are and then you dare accuse me of the same thing KalEl656: in fact, I can hardly find one thing I DON'T hate about you anymore KalEl656: nobody ever had the gall to treat me the way you do. Ever. You're nothing but a spoiled, whiny little daddy's girl who had everything in life handed to her and has no idea what the real world is like. You laugh at other people's misfortune when you've never had anything bad happen to you in your life. You laugh when I get sick and puke blood, when you've never had anything more than a runny nose in your entire miserable life. You tell me to start driving when the only reason you can is because someone bought you a *ing car and I* pay for your gas half the time. One day, someone even dumber than me is going to marry you, and the relationship we have is going to seem like a picnic when he beats you until the day he cant take it anymore, strangles you and buries you in his yard like your sister's friend. (ok, that was entirely me being a HUGE jerk... but everything I said was also true) Mary: I'm not a daddy's girl. He doesn't love me. Now go away. KalEl656: news flash kid: KalEl656: NOBODY loves you Mary: Your funny when your mad KalEl656: I told James... I told Jahi... NEVER get involved with **ing virgins KalEl656: and yet I thought somehow I was smarter than them and could manage it Mary: Hey, you agreed to ** me. KalEl656: you said you'd break up if we didnt, I was trying to save our relationship Mary: I did? Hmm. I forgot. ----------------------------------------- After that we just stopped talking and eventually she signed off. Now I confess, I said a lot of mean, spiteful things in that conversation, but all of them were also true. If I come off like a jerk to anyone, fine, I can't say I blame you. But remember my side and that I was, for lack of a better term, "fighting back". But here's the problem... We've been through this a million times before. A few people on the NTML might recall that I've more than once lamented the loss of my relationship. Well, the same thing happens every time, and I know it's going to happen tomorrow. She's going to come over, cry her eyes out, beg forgiveness, blame herself for everything and eventually I'll feel so guilty that I'll end up forgiving her. It always happens. Is it worth it? I need the opinions of people who aren't close to the situation, people with no bias whatsoever. I have been genuinely, truly happy with this girl. In fact, the only time I'm not is when she throws all the bad stuff about me in my face, be it real or lies, and when she says the same things to people behind my back. I've been with her for three years. I have/had every intention of spending the rest of my life with her. Keep in mind, also, that if this relationship does end, I'm through with relationships forever, because nothing good ever comes from them. I went through high school surviving on casual sex alone, and quite frankly if I wasn't so attached to Mary I could go back to that way of life in a heartbeat and never feel an ounce of remorse. But I love her. And I know that I'm going to forgive her. You know the story. I need some advice. What should I do? Should I put up with all the aggravation and B.S. because I love her? Or should I say the hell with it and go back to treating women like faceless, emotionless pieces of meat? (no offense to women, but there's a reason guys do it, and it's to AVOID SH*T LIKE WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH NOW) I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Help me. Please.