disablities: social, learning ect.

[Mayhem]

The only further thing I'll add to this discussion is that any American trying to discuss fanny packs here in the UK is going to get some funny looks and sniggers

[gobo]

"Spaz" means disabled? O_O I did not know that. I thought it was just a nickname for spastic person.

[Raph's Girl]

I was diagnosed with Aspergers at 28. It took several years for me to be officially diagnosed too.

Im on disability as Im unable to work full time. I don't like being around people and get anxiaty attacks over the littlist things. Growing up the excuse was that I was just shy and tended to be a loner. My family always forced me to be in groups and stuff. But since I was diagnosed they've all read up on it and now let me do my own thing. They're also noticing that other members of the family may be Aspies as well.

I also have a form of math dyslexia called Dyscalculia. Numbers tend to merge together for me and I've always had issues with even subtraction. Almost failed the 5th grade because of my math issues. My parents ended up getting me a tutor that helped a bit.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyscalculia

Im also Colour blind (blue/yellow to be specific) and I have a form of thyroid disorder called Grave's Disease (basically my immune system is frakked).

Plus Im a midget (4ft 6in).

[Type 97 Chi-ha]

Originally Posted by Mayhem

The only further thing I'll add to this discussion is that any American trying to discuss fanny packs here in the UK is going to get some funny looks and sniggers

Also, don't give a Chinese man a green hat.

[CyberCubed]

Reading through all those rants on the previous pages has made me roll my eyes. Jesus.

I keep trying to think of anyone in my family who has a disability but I don't think there's a single one. I must live in the most, "normal" family out there, because not only does nobody have any disabilities, but everyone is also straight. No joke, there are no gay members in my family at all.

People having a little anxiety is one thing, but I can't think of anything else.

[Jester]

Originally Posted by CyberCubed

Reading through all those rants on the previous pages has made me roll my eyes. Jesus.

I keep trying to think of anyone in my family who has a disability but I don't think there's a single one. I must live in the most, "normal" family out there, because not only does nobody have any disabilities, but everyone is also straight. No joke, there are no gay members in my family at all.

People having a little anxiety is one thing, but I can't think of anything else.

Any family with you in it can't be THAT normal.


Your family sounds down right un-fabulous!

[CyberCubed]

Originally Posted by Jester

Any family with you in it can't be THAT normal.

Your family sounds down right un-fabulous!

My entire family has well paying jobs and as far as I know they're all normal:

- Father sells life insurance and other types of insurance.

- My mother is a schoolteacher

- My grandparents when they were younger worked in hospitals as nurses

- All my uncles/aunts etc. all have decent jobs and own private houses.


I'm also glad that nobody in my family is an alchoholic or smokes. Granted my grandparents smoked when they were younger but again they grew up in the 50's and 60's when everyone smoked.

[Jester]

Didn't say anything about yourself...

[CyberCubed]

Originally Posted by Jester

Didn't say anything about yourself...

I've already said that as far as I know I'm not diagnosed with anything. My only problems is the amount of fillings I need for my teeth. I tend to get around 5-6 cavities a year but they get taken care of quickly.

[Dawnatello Turtle Chick]

Originally Posted by CyberCubed

My entire family has well paying jobs and as far as I know they're all normal:

- Father sells life insurance and other types of insurance.

- My mother is a schoolteacher

- My grandparents when they were younger worked in hospitals as nurses

- All my uncles/aunts etc. all have decent jobs and own private houses.


I'm also glad that nobody in my family is an alchoholic or smokes. Granted my grandparents smoked when they were younger but again they grew up in the 50's and 60's when everyone smoked.

Not specifically speaking of your family as I don't know them, but your post reminded me of an excellent point I feel needs to be made. So many people (general public) seem to view disabled people as unable to hold down "good paying'" jobs or that they would be destined to serve fast food or rise no higher than a cashier. While I'm a firm believer that any job done well is an honorable job, the general public seems convinced otherwise. There seems to be a stigma that anyone that is disabled somehow would never be able to be a stock broker or a CEO or a Principal of a school.

While there are most certainly degrees of disability, one can look at a suprising number of people and see greatness from disabled individuals. Temple Grandin who is Autistic has become a world leading expert on Cattle (and other animal) behavior and has completely changed the face of beef and how it is obtained. She would not have been nearly as productive had she not been autistic. Catherine Zeta Jones and Patsy Cline are/were both Bi-Polar. King George (don't remember which one- during WWII) had a crippling fear of public speaking and a stutter, but was able to work through them enough to speak to his country through the radio. There are many others but my damaged memory won't let me remember currently.

I know many people with disabilities that are more productive than people I know that are normal. You are the only one that can set limits on yourself and disabilities can often allow unique perspectives that otherwise wouldn't present themselves.

[Jester]

[CyberCubed]

On this topic, does anyone think Peter Laird might be autistic or have aspergers? He does seem to be rather possessive over the way people handled the TMNT franchise when it was under his control, look at the way he chewed out the 4kids writers on those scripts. Also in his blog he goes into extreme detail about the spellings of certain words and it bugs him when people use definitions incorrectly.

I've always wonder if PL had aspergers and it wouldn't surprise me if he did.

[Jester]

The more my sister works with kids with autism the more she swears everyone is on the spectrum somewhere.

I know that sometimes when people use certain phrases it can cue a song lyric or movie line in my brain. (I've coined it "Human Jukebox Syndrome." It's often at it's worst in church where a pastor's words will cue appropriate hymns in my brain.) Doesn't keep me from having a "normal" life, but it's quirky.

[Mayhem]

Originally Posted by Jester

I know that sometimes when people use certain phrases it can cue a song lyric or movie line in my brain. (I've coined it "Human Jukebox Syndrome." It's often at it's worst in church where a pastor's words will cue appropriate hymns in my brain.) Doesn't keep me from having a "normal" life, but it's quirky.

Don't worry, the same thing happens with me. My work colleagues are used to it by now

[BubblyShell22]

My BF is legally blind due to optic nerve atrophy, and he will eventually go totally blind one day. Still, it hasn't stopped him as he can do things I never thought he'd be able to. He can kick my a** in video games and is really good at it.

[gobo]

Originally Posted by Jester

"Human Jukebox Syndrome."

A side-effect of punitis, I'm sure.

BTW, I thought normalcy was diagnosed as boringness syndrome.

[Leo656]

Sh*t, if I hadn't decided to take an unrelated internet break for a few days, I damn sure would've if I'd been around to read the last 4 pages. Holy f***. Glad I missed that.

Anyways... I don't talk about it much because I don't consider it disabling to me, and most people either don't care or completely misunderstand it, but as a kid I was diagnosed with a low-level type of paranoid schizophrenia. My counselors attributed it to basically "shell-shock", apparently it's very common in kids who grow up in loud, violent households. I was about 11 or 12 when I was in counseling for various rage and depression issues; at that point I was constantly threatening suicide and otherwise acting very violently towards everyone. I'd walk into a room of people talking, and if they all stopped talking and looked at me (which happened a lot) it would make me extremely paranoid and think they were talking about me or laughing behind my back. I'd usually walk up to the closest random person in the room and, saying nothing, punch them in the face, just assuming they had it coming.

I was (and am) a very paranoid person; sometimes I still get delusional, convincing myself certain things are true when they can't be or likely aren't. It doesn't help that most of my paranoid feelings do turn out to be true in some way; my parents always lied to me and so did all my girlfriends and now my wife, to various degrees. My wife isn't very understanding at all, which makes it hard. Her feelings are, "you're just an assh*le", basically. She really feeds into my triggers; when she swears she isn't talking bad about me to someone, she is, usually on FB to the whole world, which is an awful thing to do, but sometimes in front of our friends or family she'll say something to put me down in some way. Or else we'll have an argument, either at home or at work, and she'll say she's going to the bathroom or something but instead she just leaves and I have to scramble to find a way to get where I have to be. My mother used to just abandon me and my Dad, sometimes for days, and was always putting him down to other people, and when I explain this to my wife she just tells me I'm "too sensitive" and should "get over it". But when the things I'm paranoid about happening actually do happen, it triggers really bad outbreaks, still. Sometimes I feel like nobody understands or cares.

When I have an outbreak, I really do lose all outward control. I literally feel myself lose control and become a spectator to whatever comes next. I start hearing whispers in my head when I'm alone, telling me to say and do terrible things. I'll usually lose memory of almost the entire incident once it's over. At work, I've almost never had a problem, because in that type of environment I can relax, all I have to do is my job. At my old job I'd occasionally get in a scrap with someone for being an assh*le, but nothing major and it was the kind of job where nobody much gave a sh*t. But dealing with family members or my wife, people who will intentionally try and get me upset (even though they know what's going to happen), is very difficult, because they're supposed to try and understand me and NOT try and make me upset. Seems like in life the ones we're supposed to care about are the ones we treat the worst. I would like to put all this behind me, but I don't think I ever will.

I was told, and firmly believe, that the low-level of my condition does not require medication. Reason being, the things that set me off are more or less things people intentionally say and do to trigger it; by myself, I'm very mellow. It takes a lot to get me mad, especially nowadays. But I still lose it when provoked. Really, all medication would do anyways would make me able to better-tolerate other people's abuse of me, which I think is wrong. My reactions to things that are said and done to hurt me is one thing, but to me is less important than the fact that people should not be TRYING to upset me in the first place. They also told me that when it's such a low level of the "disorder" that medication shouldn't be required; I should just "avoid people who are going to trigger me", which is everyone I know, basically. It's tough to maintain my relationship, because she simply does not care; she wants to retain the right to say and do hurtful things, knowing full well I'm not going to take it well, and then when I flip out and say even worse sh*t, she then uses THAT against me too, saying I deserve to be called whatever she originally called me because I'm clearly such an assh*le. And she never, ever apologizes, just says I'm "too sensitive" and just need to "deal with it better", disregarding that the entire point of having any type of schizophrenia, even mild, is that you aren't always in control of your thoughts, actions, or emotions. I even had her read a pamphlet, which she disregarded entirely. Actually she crumpled it in a ball and tossed it aside.

I never considered it disabling *to me* since it hasn't affected my job, and I don't have many of the symptoms like hallucinations that more severe forms carry. And despite what many say, it *has* gotten better as I've gotten older; I honestly can't recall the last time I punched holes in the wall or smashed any furniture, and physical confrontations are strictly for money these days. But it happens occasionally, and it sucks, because I know it makes me a hard person to be around. But I'm trying. Others may not see it, but I struggle every day to be a better person; it's just hard when you're constantly fearing the worst and more than sometimes finding out it's true. Or as the joke goes, "You're not being paranoid if they're really out to get you."

The best thing about knowing about it, honestly, was that I was able to understand myself and my emotions better. As a kid I just thought I was "broken" or "crazy" and had definite plans to kill myself. Being told more or less, "It's not your fault, they did this to you and you're simply reacting to it," was empowering. It sounds narcissistic, but even as a kid I wanted to believe I was "good" and didn't do anything to deserve being hit, screamed at, or told I was no good, and having it reinforced that really, I was fine, and it was 10 years of going through that violence on a daily basis that "broke" me and made me lash out at the world, hate myself and everyone else... I definitely had no plans to live this long. I even used to joke about it in school; teachers would ask me what my future plans were if I didn't start applying myself more, and I'd casually remark "I don't plan to live that long." I guess it's no wonder they put me in counseling.

But I'm glad they did, it was brief but it was one of the best things I ever had happen to me, and otherwise I may well have been a statistic. It doesn't shock me that almost all of these school shooters and movie theater shooters are diagnosed with some schizophrenic disorder. I empathize, to a point; they usually have it more severely and in their minds, something "made" them do it because they feel like they have to "get back at someone" for some abuse or misdeed. I get it completely; sometimes you feel like the whole world is broken except you and you just want everyone to drop dead, or you want to hurt them the way you're hurting because it's "what's fair", but they're entirely screwed up and many of them either go off their prescribed meds OR otherwise have a steady stream of external triggers, like abusive parents, kids at school, whichever, and nobody takes the initiative to step in before something bad happens. But I do empathize because I very likely would have done something stupid if nobody ever tried to help me.

It just sucks that as an adult people care less, especially as a guy you're just supposed to "suck it up" whenever anyone treats you bad. It's frustrating. I just try and take things one day at a time. My wife and I are talking about separating, though, so who knows what that'll bring with it.

Like I said, for me I don't think of it as "disabling" but I figured I'd mention it since we're all being open and such. It's a complication, for sure, but not a crippling affliction, for me. For many others, it absolutely is, though. I do wish more people understood various schizophrenic disorders, though, or tried to. "He's just an assh*le" isn't always the most accurate assessment.

[Dawnatello Turtle Chick]

Very soul-bearing post Leo656. I wrote a similar one... apparently I forgot to hit Submit Reply or something, because it is nowhere to be found.

Upon the illusion of anonymity that the online forum brings... I'm Bi-Polar and while I'm doing really well now- I'm stable on all my meds and regularly see my Psychiatrist, it was a very long road and I wanted to give up at every turn.

I was first diagnosed after a suicide attempt because a voice told me too. I went through months of vivid, horrific hallucinations before they could get my meds on track. That was followed by a 2 year period I only remember about 10% of because I was so overmedicated I wasn't awake until around 3 pm and was groggy up until about 6 pm. From 6 pm to about 9 pm I'd go into a horrible rage in which I would threaten to hurt my family (I lived with my folks at the time) or my self. I put holes in walls, myself, etc. From about 9pm to 1 am I would just cry and finally fall asleep somewhere around 1 to 5 am. It was a living hell, so maybe only remembering 10% of it was a blessing. I was 18 years old when this all first started so I missed out on what I felt like was a huge part of my life. I still get very emotional talking about it and don't tell anybody really. Too painful. I had no control over my life and as far as I could tell nothing was really changing to indicate that I would ever be a functioning adult.

I had tremors so bad there were days I couldn't feed myself. My face developed acne so bad it would bleed. I developed hypothyroidism. I would randomly faint upon standing up. These were all from side-effects from my medications. I also had crippling panic attacks to the point I wouldn't leave the house. I was fortunate enough to have a Medical Alert Service Dog and with his advanced warning of the panic attacks I could calm myself down and take my pill and was able to actually leave the house without so much fear.

I ended up going into the ICU after a blood test that said my Lithium levels were in danger of sending me into seizures or a coma. They took me off all my meds at once and I tell you what.... I was trippin'!!! There were gardens on the ceiling, ants marching on my arm, all sorts of weird hallucinations.

The Lithium toxicity ended up being a blessing in disguise because it allowed the Dr. to changed up my meds enough to take me off the more intense ones that were causing all the side-effects. My tremors took another year or so to subside, but my Hypo-Thyroidism went away within 6 months or so. Unfortunately it took another 3 to 4 years for me to be able to wake up and be a functional adult before 1 pm. I had a boss later on that didn't understand that I simply couldn't work mornings. I actually had a vehicular accident because of it. Some people at work thought I was drunk because I talked like I had a fat tongue or something. After 1 or 2 pm though I sounded fine.

Over the course of my mental illness I've been in the Psych Ward twice and it is one of the scariest places. The first time I had just turned 18 and was considered an adult, but being in there with all the other patients who were 10-40 years older than me was very frightening. I don't remember the whole thing I just remembered crying a lot and doing puzzles...

I know what you mean Leo656, about paranoia, I'm not so much anymore (although I definitely have tendencies) but you feel like every little nuance is a sign that everybody is conspiring against you or something. It doesn't always make sense but it doesn't make it any less real to you. I've been fortunate enough not have had any traumatic life events, every horror I've gone through was thanks to my lovely brain.

After my husband and I had been married for 2 years I decided that I wanted to have a kid so bad that I would go off my meds. (My husband wanted kids too, but didn't want me to risk my mental health) After being off my meds for over 9 months (that kid just didn't want to leave! ) I had done damage to my brain, most notably my memory. I used to be able to win debates, I could remember everything. Now I'm lucky if I can remember an idea long enough to wait until it's my turn to talk or til I can find a piece of paper to write it down on. It's very frustrating and has affected my vocabulary as well. But as frustrating as it is, I would do it again in a heartbeat. Not that we are going to risk it, we have our beautiful little boy.

I've lost count of how many times I've heard people use "Bi-Polar" as a slang about people acting out. It is hurtful to hear and I don't think most people realize that the stigma of a mental illness often drives those affected to keep it hidden. There have been some recent efforts to dispel the stigma surrounding it by Glen Close whose sister has a mental illness (can't remember which type...) but I think the general public has made much more progress with shedding light on Autism and Aspergers . I think one of the hardest things about people accepting mental illnesses is when you see many of the affected people who have been off their medication too long (much of the time due to not being able to afford it) they can be scary acting and very abnormal and even inappropriate. It is so sad to see how far some people have slipped because although they can be stabilized, there is nothing that can be done to repair the damage that has been caused to their brains.

[Leo656]

Man, that's some rough stuff though. Kudos for sticking it out and persevering. I know how it can be, between physical illness and mental illness, many people in my family are medicated to some degree. Part of my mother's problems were that she was over-medicated - her doctor was a candyman who has since had his license revoked - and mixed her meds with alcohol, so part of me has always been really, really distrustful of any type of medication. My mother was so clearly suffering adverse affects, between taking pills for back pain, anti-depressants, and stimulants, but everyone was basically like, "Let her do what she wants, she's a grown-up", and when she added alcohol and recreational drugs it was a nightmare. She would wreck the house, attack people, act crazy in general, and then pass out for four days. She got better when she briefly quit drinking, but she started doing more pills and got addicted to opiates which eventually helped kill her. She did need some of her pills, but I really wish someone had listened to me and tried to intervene when she was so clearly hurting herself. It's made me distrustful of doctors and medications, especially since my Dad worked for Squibb for almost 30 years, knew what every medication was and what it did, and he would explain in great detail how doctors and pharmaceutical companies work together to over-diagnose medications and turn "mental problems" into a billion-dollar business, which in turn has people who actually *are* sick slipping through the cracks.

I've often wondered if some kind of mental illness runs in my family. When I was a kid both my mother and sister were briefly in mental institutions after particularly violent episodes (years apart and separately), there have been a few suicides, lots of cases of depression, and tons of alcohol and drug abuse, which in some cases is a symptom of deeper psychological problems. It's part of why I don't want kids, I see too many negative patterns repeat in my family and I don't want to contribute anything.

I'm glad you're doing much better; I agree with conditions like bi-polar disorder and even ADHD being recklessly used and over-used in cases where it has no application, while those who actually are afflicted are sometimes outright abused because some people think it's all "nonsense". One of my friends likes to describe herself as "bipolar" but she has no hallucinations or delusions or anything, she just uses it to excuse her sudden, violent mood swings, which everyone else accurately diagnoses as, "She's kind of a bitch". There's a huge difference between someone having mood swings and a person with bipolar disorder.

I too wish more people were open to discuss, and really listen, about mental illness and the reality of it. Many people are really judgmental and ignorant about it. When I hear about kids killing themselves because of bullying or things like that, I'm torn, because while it's a stupid thing to do, some of these kids undoubtedly have some kind of psychological problems that haven't been caught yet, and I can't help but think of all the times I was as young as 8 and already wondering if life was worth living, and I end up wondering if I'd even be here if someone hadn't gotten involved. Things already seem huge and overly-dramatic when you're a kid, before the rational part of your brain fully develops, but when you have a literal whispering voice in your head telling you that everyone hates you and you should do something stupid, it's a recipe for a disaster. I feel bad for these kids, because the internet's made it so easy for people to mess with each other and things never really go away.

People need to have more empathy in general.

[Refractive Reflections]

I gotta say all you guys are very brave to post about your disabilities and the struggles associated with them here. Yes, it may be under the cloak of anonymity from the internet, but still revealing it any degree takes courage knowing the harsh preconceptions of others.

Wow Leo656 and Dawnatello Turtle Chick, my heart goes out to you two.