The New Café

[Sewer Bull]

Welcome back.

I doubted I'd ever see you again here.

[Ra]

Wow Machias...sounds like you've been through so much that our minds can never comprehend. I guess just go with the flow for now and see what happens. I'm just glad we could hear from you again.

[Krang]

Sorry to hear about your troubles, Machias, but it's great to see you around again! Hope you get some form of internet access at home so that you can stop by more often.

[ThirdMarioBro]

Originally Posted by Machias Banshee

*hugs Michi/Gk/kittie/Alison/february/Grunger-sexpiallodocious* <3 you too, sweetie. It's been way too long..

My sympathies Sci. Freak, I can just imagine what youre going through. Hopefully that will get sorted out soon...

HUG ME TOO!!!!

I never thought I would see you again around here. Today sucked balls three ways for me, but seeing your name makes it all go away. Welcome home Machias. We missed you something awful.

[gobo]

Originally Posted by Machias Banshee

Man... a lot has changed in two years.


I should probably start at the beginning. Well, more like the end.

Some probably noticed the hasty retreat I did a while back. Life at the time was really putting me under an enormous amount of pressure and I just kinda snapped...

The last year I spent in college was a horrible time. Having been in the same room for 4 years, I was suddenly uprooted and crammed into a female’s only dorm. This room was located in the icy depths of ‘hell’ – that’s the name of the floor. It never rose above 50*F, had no sunlight... Black mold made me so violently ill, I still can't function well in a dampened room now.

The last few months of school are honestly still a little blurry. There were days at a time where I had little to no sleep. I spent 70 hours at a time awake in front of the computer in the IT office several times within the two months I spent editing film. I nearly had a nervous breakdown when the computer I was using glitched (due to someone else using MY files for storage) and all the edited material was wiped out. I just about collapsed at my committee’s feet and begged them for mercy. Thankfully, they were able to get an extension for me, but all that work lost… I still look back on the final showing and all the trouble I went through and want to cry.

But Graduation day finally came. I regret not getting a video recording. The reaction to the song I sang was just so genuinely wonderful. When reality sank in that I would be leaving college (around 11pm when I was packing my stuff into boxes), I felt really mixed about it. On one hand, I was free from school, which was great! No homework, more free time… But on the other hand, I really had no idea what I was going to do.

Now my focus has shifted to applying for new jobs at the local newspaper. While proofreading isn't much, its at least a foot in the door.


Now as the year is settling down, I’ve looked back a lot and realized how much I’ve missed people. I never wanted things to happen the way they had. Stupid fights and nonsense. I felt like I just abandoned people, and I'd never want to do that..

I’ve grown such an attachment to this place and the people here (and many whom have moved on). I’ve really missed talking here with the ol’ gang and the new gang and the characters in-between. While I do not have internet (the reason I’ve been round so much this week is because I’ve been hanging out at my brother’s place), I really would like to keep in touch with folks here. I honestly don’t know when I’ll get internet at home… but I do want to try.

So... I guess this is kind of an 'I'm sorry" and a..I dunno...

Oh, hi. Welcome home, Miss Legendary Member whose name comes up often but I didn't have the good fortune of knowing in all my years here or even having figured out how I kept missing your posts... umm... Nice to meet you! ^_^

[Machias Banshee]

Thanks everyone...

*hugs TMB too*

Well, It's not a permanent back like when I was in school, but I am going to be coming around again. I wish I had that much freetime again... And yes, for a while I didn't think I was ever going to come back, but honestly... It doesnt matter anymore. I don't care for drama, and don't want to continue it. So, pretty much like my location says, its going to be a fresh start.


But I am so glad to see some names here again.

[NightwatchersOnlygirl]

Welcome back!

[Katie]

nice to see you around again, Mango sensei (I kept them warm for you )

[Tinuvielsdreams]

Hi Machias! Yours is a name I hear in very fond context so its really great your back around. I am glad to hear after all that trouble things are settling down. I know how you feel in a way, I have been through some very similar college woes right down to horrible living situations. Hope you get some net so we see you around again

[Peanut]

MACHI! Welcome back! I had this strange feeling that you were going to show up again. I don't know why. I was actually reminded of you a couple days ago, as I searched through my picture folders, I found that drawing you made for me!

I hope you can try and stick around as much as possible, this place lost a lot of character when you left.

[KROW]

All right! She's alive!

It's great to see you back, Machi. I was waiting for you to return after that random IM I sent you weeks ago. It's nice to know you're still around. I hope your troubles fade and happiness finds you more often.

[Cure]

Yay. I remember you from those synopses you would put up before new episodes of Ninja Turtles. They were funny and entertaining.

Welcome back, Machi.

[XERO]

Man, I feel like Ali with the Olympic Torch...

I... FRIGGIN'... MISSED... YOU... MACHI.

Don't ever scare me like that again.

*hugs*











BTW, you remember me, right?

[cowabunga14]

Welcome back, Machias! Looks like we didn't forget about ya.

[Ra]

These past few days have been...rough, for lack of a better word. I have no idea why. My life is comfortable, I have great friends, I'm on holidays...I should be happy. For some reason, I feel miserable. Like my soul and being has been ripped out from my body, and now I'm just a shell of my former self.

I can't draw anymore. Holding a pencil makes me feel like I'm going to heave. And that's saying a lot for me, since I'm an armature artist (or I like to see myself as one). Playing my PS2 doesn't help things either. I'm sick of everything, I guess. The same scenery, the same routine, the same lifestyle. No matter how I try and change things, I still feel like I'm not truly myself. I...I really don't know what's going on. I know there is something wrong with me on a spiritual level, but I just can't pin-point what in the world it is. I'm uninspired, depressed, unwilling to partake in any activity that only weeks ago I would be more than happy to do...and I just can't cheer myself up.

Maybe it's all of the depressing stuff that has been going on in the news. Maybe it's a sign that I'm about to transform into a new me, or I might discover the real me, but all I know is that right now I'm in a very dark stage of my life in terms of my spirit. It's like that shell I was talking about before is trying to find my soul to become complete again. I...think I might need some help through this. I'm usually a lone wolf and tend to do things on my own, but maybe I need to find a pack of my own for awhile. Lean on my friends both online and in real life. I have a feeling this rut I'm in right now won't allow me to escape so easily if I'm on my own.

[Anarky]

Or maybe you're just growing up. You know, there's a time where you suddenly realize that you're not a child anymore. I had that too and I think it felt like what you describe. It's something that's just irking you deep down. Something about all the stuff you've been doing just doesn't feel right anymore. Video games and cartoons and stuff can only make you that happy. I sort of rediscovered all the things that I enjoyed. And of course, there's a sudden understanding of the grimness that is always around us. Crime here, drugs there and all the other bad things that surround us all the time. But there's the cool stuff too, going out with friends having a party for no reason at all, relaxing on the balcony on a sunny sunday afternoon, playing football or going swimming with people you care about, laughing at silly comedies on telly and all that... it's all there. Trick is to find a healthy balance between the crap you get every day and the stuff you enjoy.

I'm not saying that it will happen from today to tomorrow or one morning you'll wake up and - poof - it's over, but it will pass. Slowly, but it will. As long as you have people to talk to, you should be fine.

[gobo]

^^ Sound advice... Bravo, Anarky.

It'll pass, Ra. You just have to stick it out. If you're still like this in a month, then it's cause for alarm. Otherwise, you can consider it just a way for your brain to rid itself of a surplus of depression chemicals. It can't be sunny everyday, right?

[Machias Banshee]

Originally Posted by Peanut

MACHI! Welcome back! I had this strange feeling that you were going to show up again. I don't know why. I was actually reminded of you a couple days ago, as I searched through my picture folders, I found that drawing you made for me!

I hope you can try and stick around as much as possible, this place lost a lot of character when you left.

That's funky, cuz I was thinking about you too... Great minds think alike, I guess. It's been far too long..

Originally Posted by KROW

All right! She's alive!

It's great to see you back, Machi. I was waiting for you to return after that random IM I sent you weeks ago. It's nice to know you're still around. I hope your troubles fade and happiness finds you more often.

I did get that IM, thank you... It's been a wild time with work and all, but I can't wait to be able to chat again. I've missed the crew...

Originally Posted by Benvenuto

Man, I feel like Ali with the Olympic Torch...

I... FRIGGIN'... MISSED... YOU... MACHI.

Don't ever scare me like that again.

*hugs*


BTW, you remember me, right?

*hugs* How could anyone forget you?


I can't thank everyone enough for the warm welcome. It feels good to be able to come around again. Now if I could just get my yahoo to work right...

[Anarky]

Originally Posted by gobo

^^ Sound advice... Bravo, Anarky.

It'll pass, Ra. You just have to stick it out. If you're still like this in a month, then it's cause for alarm. Otherwise, you can consider it just a way for your brain to rid itself of a surplus of depression chemicals. It can't be sunny everyday, right?

A month? That phase usually lasts for the better part of a year. We're not talking about a fad or something here, this is puberty hitting at full power. I mean, it's not like the whole body-hair and deeper voice/bra thing, it's just that you start thinking differently. For me, that phase lasted for about nine months. I'm not saying that the world looks an awful lot better these days, but I found things that sort of compensate for it: a round of darts with my friends, sitting at my desk watching US-TV... those kind of things. If it's not drawing for Ra, then it's not drawing, so be it then. But something will come along. The best piece of advice I can give you is probably that you should be open to new things. I know, you're thinking "What kinda bulls#*t advice is that?" but it's probably the best thing you can do.

[Jo Dawn]

I don't know what it is.

I think it's my pills. I think they are affecting me. I take so much mor stuff personally now, I feel like I am no fun at all. And that leads me to apologizing excessively, which is just as bad.

I feel like I am ruining my friendships, annoying people. Just messing everything up. Tonight a dear friend signed off AIM without saying goodnight; which never happens. Now granted, they switched screen names, and I sent them a 'no goodnight, huh?'; to which they replied 'I had to switch names'... But I can't help but feel bad.

Said friend has pointed out I am grumpy often. That I'm forever saying 'I feel guilty/bad because...' lately. That I take everything to heart.

I don't want to be that person. But I can't help it. And thinking that I have changed in that way makes me feel worse than anything.

I've also been told I've changed in that I am just so... mellow now. So 'whatever'... and said friend also told me, before I started taking this pill, that they never knew a girl on it that wasn't a b*tch. So I hate that this is VALIDATING this for them. Now everything is blamed on the pill and I hate that.

I never should have told them about it. I never should have started it. I just shouldn't talk anymore, or try anymore for anything.

I just ruin everything.

Oh, and I cannot sleep anymore. I just can't. Not at home. I wake up all night and then wake up early. Then I'm exhausted all day. But if I'm at my friend's house? I'm asleep in minutes. It's frustrating.