What the hell do I do? - Page 2

**HorseTechie** · 09-28-2003, 01:02 PM

*hops on a little late* But I can't resist throwin in my two cents anyhoo...

I will agree with the others, that it's not wise to go on with the engagment to your gf, if it's going like this now. Marrying someone who's not 100% happy with you is only setting up for more disaster later.

Not gonna get into my married life, but I will agree there were times I wish I spent more time dating to make sure he was "the one". It's kinda like the movie, Jerry McQuire... where Tom Cruise's character jumps right into marrying the single mother just cause he liked her first impressions... but then later they wondered really what reason they married each other if true love didn't feel like the factor anymore. Fortunately, they were able to patch things up...

But really, just to save yourself from thinking about divorce every few months thereafter... marry the women you *really* feel comfortable with, and that she also feels the same way with you, no matter what life throws at ya. You still have time... and well, maybe you are better off being a bachelor. One of my cousins is almost 50 and he still had not commited himself to a marriage.

~~Leo656~~ · 09-28-2003, 01:08 PM

You're lucky because it works both ways.

I'm not going to lie to you and say that MOST guys aren't selfish, mean, lying, insensitive jerks who cheat on their wives/girlfriends... because as a guy, and therefore always being around guys, believe me when I say that a large number of them ARE. Sad to say, but the reasons most stereotypes are stereotypes is because they're based in truth, and the "male stereotype" is true in maybe 6 or 7 out of 10 cases. Most people I work with are "happily married/involved" but still cheat whenever they get the chance just because they can. They're not necessarily unhappy with their wives/girlfriends, most in fact are perfectly happy... but they still cheat, "just because".

I did it once. Once. And I felt REALLY bad afterwards, and confessed the whole thing, and felt like the biggest jerk who ever lived. For all the good it does me now.

And that's what really pisses me off. For all my efforts to NOT be like most guys, I'm never any better off.

That's why you're better off single, Mars. Cuz you've got maybe a 30% chance of finding a decent guy, and even then something's likely to happen to screw it up on either side. It's just not worth the trouble. I find most people in relationships are just using each other anyway to some degree: the guys use the women for sex and to look good on their arm in front of their friends, and the girls use the men for money and to kiss their asses. (Well, most girls I know use their boyfriends for drugs too but I'm sure nobody here is like that)

So basically, you're "lucky" because you're free of all the headaches. Is getting laid worth all this bullsh*t, whether you're male or female? Is your life so empty that you need another person to vindicate you? These are the questions I wish I'd asked myself years ago. If the answer to either question is "yes", then you're as misguided as I was.

If anyone's suffering form "virginal guilt", just go get drunk at a party and hook up for the night with some guy/girl you'll never see again (protected of course) and just be rid of the big scarlet V if it'll make you feel better. And if you're looking for an actual relationship with someone... well... don't.

CookSux · 09-28-2003, 01:23 PM

More proof that premarrital sex only ruins relationships.

~~Leo656~~ · 09-28-2003, 01:29 PM

You have NO idea...

We decided we were gonna wait. I was fine with it. Believe me, I got all the casual, meaningless sex out of my system back in high school, I had no problem waiting. But SHE just HAD to lose her membership in the Little Pink Virgin Mafia...

Guys, make a note: If you're dating a virgin, DON'T! Get as far away as possible unless you have EVERY intention of marrying her. And do not under ANY circumstances have sex with her. Girls go crazy when they lose their virginity. They're emotionally attached to you for the rest of their life, and if you TRY to break up, they go insane. My friend's ex used to hit him and throw rocks at his car and stuff whenever he tried to break up with her. Some studies say it's because of a chemical released by the brain after sex, one'a those things females get that God decided not to burden us guys with for whatever reason. Some guys? Some guys just think women are psychos.

Either way, to coin a phrase: If it aint broke, DON'T BREAK IT.

**Barkworm** · 09-28-2003, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CookSux

More proof that premarrital sex only ruins relationships.

I hope that's a joke...

And Leo, I'm sorry to hear about all this crap, I hope you'll get over it soon.

**Machias Banshee** · 09-28-2003, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leo656

Guys, make a note: If you're dating a virgin, DON'T! Get as far away as possible unless you have EVERY intention of marrying her. And do not under ANY circumstances have sex with her. Girls go crazy when they lose their virginity. They're emotionally attached to you for the rest of their life, and if you TRY to break up, they go insane. My friend's ex used to hit him and throw rocks at his car and stuff whenever he tried to break up with her. Some studies say it's because of a chemical released by the brain after sex, one'a those things females get that God decided not to burden us guys with for whatever reason. Some guys? Some guys just think women are psychos.

Either way, to coin a phrase: If it aint broke, DON'T BREAK IT.

Hmm, looks like I'm gonna be staying single for a while longer...

I understand what youre saying. My past roommates all got psychotic once they lost theirs. Go after any guy, no matter how nasty they were. Really sad.

Proclaim your "Born-again" Virginity, Leo.

*proud to be one of the few, the proud, the "Never done anyone or anything"Club*

**Kali** · 09-28-2003, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Machias Banshee

*proud to be one of the few, the proud, the "Never done anyone or anything"Club*

Preach it, sistah!

CookSux · 09-28-2003, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by barkworm

Quote:

Originally Posted by CookSux

More proof that premarrital sex only ruins relationships.

I hope that's a joke...

And Leo, I'm sorry to hear about all this crap, I hope you'll get over it soon.

I was actually being serious.

*Stone Ill* · 09-28-2003, 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CookSux

Quote:

Originally Posted by barkworm

Quote:

Originally Posted by CookSux

More proof that premarrital sex only ruins relationships.

I hope that's a joke...

And Leo, I'm sorry to hear about all this crap, I hope you'll get over it soon.

I was actually being serious.

I actually agree with CookSux.

impetus · 09-28-2003, 08:05 PM

First, all typical forum rivalries and joking aside.

Leo, while I can't truly understand everything you're going through, I do understand what it feels like to hurt. I agree with the consensus that you should break this off for good. My advice:

* Don't ever think that there's nobody who can love you the way you are. Because you're talking to a fistful of them.

* Do not say one more abusive word to her! True or not, those cheap shots are abusive. I know you're better than that.

* Please, don't take this out on God.

Feel free to talk to me in PM if you need to vent or talk or whatever.

Cooksux and the virgin squad, I agree with you full-heartedly.

*Stone Ill* · 09-28-2003, 08:09 PM

I think CookSux meant that if you want to marry someone, that having sex with them premarital would ruin it. If it's just a girlfriend, it's probably less likely.

~~Leo656~~ · 09-28-2003, 08:34 PM

Again, thanks for the support... I still don't know what's going to happen... I know I'm a goddamn moron but despite all she still is, without exaggeration, the best thing that ever happened to me, and the thought of losing that is hard.

impetus: Actually, no I'm really NOT better than that... in fact I've been a lot WORSE than that, way back before I discovered that a single beer a day was great for the nerves. That's probably why I've been so edgy lately, I haven't drank.

But in all seriousness, I am in fact a very mean, spiteful person who is very bad at forgiveness, and would insult someone's dead relative if I thought it would hurt them. I'm not saying it's right, in fact I know it's not. But again, I'm just not that good a person.

Which is why she kind of stands out, in that the only time I act that way to HER is when my back's against the wall and I lash out. Most people, I neither care if I hurt their feelings, nor do I even consider forgiving them if they piss me off. But I DO love her very much, and I can't help but want to work things out even though I know it's stupid.

I still don't know which way this is going to go. I know I should just tell her to take a leap and then forget about her... but I never said I was exactly bright. Which way it goes basically boils down to how committed I am to trying to make this work... and I still haven't decided. It sounds like an easy decision to make. It should be. But it's not.

And why? Because I made the biggest mistake anyone could ever make: I fell in love with someone. Therefore, I get all the lovely baggage that comes with it.

Take my advice: Whether or not Mary and I are finished, just avoid relationships like the Plague. If you're lonely and in need of companionship, buy a cat. You'll live longer, your hair won't fall out, you'll save yourself a lot of stress, and you'll still have the clarity to make simple decisions without letting "love" cloud your judgement. Only idiots fall in love, and I'm living proof of that. The simple fact that I can't just slam the door on this whole scenario is, simply, that I'm just a BIGGER idiot than most.

*Skeletoncrew* · 09-28-2003, 11:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CookSux

More proof that premarrital sex only ruins relationships.

You're joking, right?

Premarital sex is only a problem if you're having it before you and/or your partner is ready and/or you're not using protection.

I believe that sex can be the single most intimate act between consenting adults, and as such, it should be approached carefully. Yes, people make mistakes when it comes to sex, but that's not a problem unless they don't learn from them. Sex is an integral part of our being, we need it and crave it like we need food and water. Not everyone needs it with the same amount of urgency, and some people find power in denying themselves it, but the need is always there.

This is why it is foolish to commit to someone before knowing whether or not you are sexually compatible. If you believe in the importance of a monogamous relationship, and you don't find out your compatibility before commiting to it, you may be setting yourself up for a very painful failure.

~~Leo656~~ · 09-29-2003, 12:03 AM

Alright. First off, I know I'm an idiot. No need to rub it in further.

I'm an idiot because after a long talk I decided to just let it all go and forgive her. Again.

I appreciate everyone's advice. And you're all right. I'M wrong. I KNOW that. I'm stupid for wanting to try again. The best thing to do would be just tell her not to let the door hit her ass on the way out. But I can't.

I stand by my statement. Only idiots fall in love. Love clouds your mind, and ruins your ability to make relatively simple decisions like this should have been. I shouldn't be seeing her tomorrow, I should be getting back my keys and making up excuses not to give her back her PS2 (note to guys: if you gave it as a present, "well I'M the one who bought it" works really well

).

So learn from my mistakes and just don't get attached. It's easier that way. Don't end up like me. Love really, REALLY sucks.

*Dane E5R* · 09-29-2003, 01:34 AM

This particular guy, right'chere, doth much enjoy pre-marital sex. I lost my virginity when I was 13 (one incredibly eventful summer that I sometimes regret), and after that, I didn't do it again for 3 years. But this time, it was different, because I wasn't doin' it just to get some. We weren't just f*cking, we were making love. It was special because we were doin' it out of love. ::dodges all arrow signs that point to him saying "P*SSY!":: Ahem.. So yea, in a nutshell, I agree with EVERYTHING that Skeletoncrew said.

And Leo, it's alright buddy, I can't blame you. I'm actually going the same route that you are. It's just impossible for me to not love her. I feel her everywhere I go. I feel her touch in the wind, and see her face in the clouds.. If you cut me right now, I would bleed a perfect portrait of her smile. I can't escape it, there's no use in trying anymore. So if you're an idiot, man, we're both guilty.

**Barkworm** · 09-29-2003, 01:37 AM

Leo believe me, I'm the last one who would call you an idiot for that, because I know your problem too well... It's just in my case, you would be my girlfriend and I would be Mary (

). It might sound dumb but if you're totally in love with someone it just can't be completely wrong.
BTW, "Amen" to Skeletoncrew's post. I still don't see where's the sense in "waiting".

~~Leo656~~ · 09-29-2003, 02:10 AM

Barkworm, don't EVER make reference to me being your girlfriend again! It's just CREEPY!

**Barkworm** · 09-29-2003, 02:28 AM

Sorry...honey!

~~Leo656~~ · 09-29-2003, 02:39 AM

You sure look a little tall to be Mary, "Dear"........

**Barkworm** · 09-29-2003, 02:44 AM

Honestly, we should stop that

*in a deep-voice*: Let's go watch some porn, dude!

09-28-2003, 01:23 PM	#23
CookSux Stone Warrior Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Sparta Posts: 928	More proof that premarrital sex only ruins relationships. __________________ http://http://cooksux.deviantart.com/ http://www.xanga.com/cooksux http://www.myspace.com/cooksux

09-28-2003, 08:05 PM	#30
impetus Stone Warrior Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Kansas City Posts: 978	First, all typical forum rivalries and joking aside. Leo, while I can't truly understand everything you're going through, I do understand what it feels like to hurt. I agree with the consensus that you should break this off for good. My advice: * Don't ever think that there's nobody who can love you the way you are. Because you're talking to a fistful of them. * Do not say one more abusive word to her! True or not, those cheap shots are abusive. I know you're better than that. * Please, don't take this out on God. Feel free to talk to me in PM if you need to vent or talk or whatever. Cooksux and the virgin squad, I agree with you full-heartedly. __________________

09-29-2003, 01:34 AM	#35
Dane E5R Mad Scientist Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Topeka, Kansas Posts: 1,602	This particular guy, right'chere, doth much enjoy pre-marital sex. I lost my virginity when I was 13 (one incredibly eventful summer that I sometimes regret), and after that, I didn't do it again for 3 years. But this time, it was different, because I wasn't doin' it just to get some. We weren't just fcking, we were making love. It was special because we were doin' it out of love. ::dodges all arrow signs that point to him saying "PSSY!":: Ahem.. So yea, in a nutshell, I agree with EVERYTHING that Skeletoncrew said. And Leo, it's alright buddy, I can't blame you. I'm actually going the same route that you are. It's just impossible for me to not love her. I feel her everywhere I go. I feel her touch in the wind, and see her face in the clouds.. If you cut me right now, I would bleed a perfect portrait of her smile. I can't escape it, there's no use in trying anymore. So if you're an idiot, man, we're both guilty. __________________ http://www.luckyusshow.com

09-29-2003, 01:37 AM	#36
Barkworm Draconian leftist ruler Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Germany Posts: 6,757	Leo believe me, I'm the last one who would call you an idiot for that, because I know your problem too well... It's just in my case, you would be my girlfriend and I would be Mary ( ). It might sound dumb but if you're totally in love with someone it just can't be completely wrong. BTW, "Amen" to Skeletoncrew's post. I still don't see where's the sense in "waiting". __________________ Make ****, not kill!

09-29-2003, 02:28 AM	#38
Barkworm Draconian leftist ruler Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Germany Posts: 6,757	Sorry...honey! __________________ Make ****, not kill!

09-28-2003, 01:02 PM	#21
HorseTechie Inactive Moderator Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Midwest Posts: 5,677	hops on a little late But I can't resist throwin in my two cents anyhoo... I will agree with the others, that it's not wise to go on with the engagment to your gf, if it's going like this now. Marrying someone who's not 100% happy with you is only setting up for more disaster later. Not gonna get into my married life, but I will agree there were times I wish I spent more time dating to make sure he was "the one". It's kinda like the movie, Jerry McQuire... where Tom Cruise's character jumps right into marrying the single mother just cause he liked her first impressions... but then later they wondered really what reason they married each other if true love didn't feel like the factor anymore. Fortunately, they were able to patch things up... But really, just to save yourself from thinking about divorce every few months thereafter... marry the women you really feel comfortable with, and that she also feels the same way with you, no matter what life throws at ya. You still have time... and well, maybe you are better off being a bachelor. One of my cousins is almost 50 and he still had not commited himself to a marriage.

09-28-2003, 01:08 PM	#22
~~Leo656~~ Banned Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: nWo Country Posts: 27,703	You're lucky because it works both ways. I'm not going to lie to you and say that MOST guys aren't selfish, mean, lying, insensitive jerks who cheat on their wives/girlfriends... because as a guy, and therefore always being around guys, believe me when I say that a large number of them ARE. Sad to say, but the reasons most stereotypes are stereotypes is because they're based in truth, and the "male stereotype" is true in maybe 6 or 7 out of 10 cases. Most people I work with are "happily married/involved" but still cheat whenever they get the chance just because they can. They're not necessarily unhappy with their wives/girlfriends, most in fact are perfectly happy... but they still cheat, "just because". I did it once. Once. And I felt REALLY bad afterwards, and confessed the whole thing, and felt like the biggest jerk who ever lived. For all the good it does me now. And that's what really pisses me off. For all my efforts to NOT be like most guys, I'm never any better off. That's why you're better off single, Mars. Cuz you've got maybe a 30% chance of finding a decent guy, and even then something's likely to happen to screw it up on either side. It's just not worth the trouble. I find most people in relationships are just using each other anyway to some degree: the guys use the women for sex and to look good on their arm in front of their friends, and the girls use the men for money and to kiss their asses. (Well, most girls I know use their boyfriends for drugs too but I'm sure nobody here is like that) So basically, you're "lucky" because you're free of all the headaches. Is getting laid worth all this bullsh*t, whether you're male or female? Is your life so empty that you need another person to vindicate you? These are the questions I wish I'd asked myself years ago. If the answer to either question is "yes", then you're as misguided as I was. If anyone's suffering form "virginal guilt", just go get drunk at a party and hook up for the night with some guy/girl you'll never see again (protected of course) and just be rid of the big scarlet V if it'll make you feel better. And if you're looking for an actual relationship with someone... well... don't.

09-28-2003, 01:29 PM	#24
~~Leo656~~ Banned Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: nWo Country Posts: 27,703	You have NO idea... We decided we were gonna wait. I was fine with it. Believe me, I got all the casual, meaningless sex out of my system back in high school, I had no problem waiting. But SHE just HAD to lose her membership in the Little Pink Virgin Mafia... Guys, make a note: If you're dating a virgin, DON'T! Get as far away as possible unless you have EVERY intention of marrying her. And do not under ANY circumstances have sex with her. Girls go crazy when they lose their virginity. They're emotionally attached to you for the rest of their life, and if you TRY to break up, they go insane. My friend's ex used to hit him and throw rocks at his car and stuff whenever he tried to break up with her. Some studies say it's because of a chemical released by the brain after sex, one'a those things females get that God decided not to burden us guys with for whatever reason. Some guys? Some guys just think women are psychos. Either way, to coin a phrase: If it aint broke, DON'T BREAK IT.

09-28-2003, 08:09 PM	#31
Stone Ill Mad Scientist Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Burlington, Ontario Posts: 2,397	I think CookSux meant that if you want to marry someone, that having sex with them premarital would ruin it. If it's just a girlfriend, it's probably less likely.

09-28-2003, 08:34 PM	#32
~~Leo656~~ Banned Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: nWo Country Posts: 27,703	Again, thanks for the support... I still don't know what's going to happen... I know I'm a goddamn moron but despite all she still is, without exaggeration, the best thing that ever happened to me, and the thought of losing that is hard. impetus: Actually, no I'm really NOT better than that... in fact I've been a lot WORSE than that, way back before I discovered that a single beer a day was great for the nerves. That's probably why I've been so edgy lately, I haven't drank. But in all seriousness, I am in fact a very mean, spiteful person who is very bad at forgiveness, and would insult someone's dead relative if I thought it would hurt them. I'm not saying it's right, in fact I know it's not. But again, I'm just not that good a person. Which is why she kind of stands out, in that the only time I act that way to HER is when my back's against the wall and I lash out. Most people, I neither care if I hurt their feelings, nor do I even consider forgiving them if they piss me off. But I DO love her very much, and I can't help but want to work things out even though I know it's stupid. I still don't know which way this is going to go. I know I should just tell her to take a leap and then forget about her... but I never said I was exactly bright. Which way it goes basically boils down to how committed I am to trying to make this work... and I still haven't decided. It sounds like an easy decision to make. It should be. But it's not. And why? Because I made the biggest mistake anyone could ever make: I fell in love with someone. Therefore, I get all the lovely baggage that comes with it. Take my advice: Whether or not Mary and I are finished, just avoid relationships like the Plague. If you're lonely and in need of companionship, buy a cat. You'll live longer, your hair won't fall out, you'll save yourself a lot of stress, and you'll still have the clarity to make simple decisions without letting "love" cloud your judgement. Only idiots fall in love, and I'm living proof of that. The simple fact that I can't just slam the door on this whole scenario is, simply, that I'm just a BIGGER idiot than most.

09-29-2003, 12:03 AM	#34
~~Leo656~~ Banned Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: nWo Country Posts: 27,703	Alright. First off, I know I'm an idiot. No need to rub it in further. I'm an idiot because after a long talk I decided to just let it all go and forgive her. Again. I appreciate everyone's advice. And you're all right. I'M wrong. I KNOW that. I'm stupid for wanting to try again. The best thing to do would be just tell her not to let the door hit her ass on the way out. But I can't. I stand by my statement. Only idiots fall in love. Love clouds your mind, and ruins your ability to make relatively simple decisions like this should have been. I shouldn't be seeing her tomorrow, I should be getting back my keys and making up excuses not to give her back her PS2 (note to guys: if you gave it as a present, "well I'M the one who bought it" works really well ). So learn from my mistakes and just don't get attached. It's easier that way. Don't end up like me. Love really, REALLY sucks.

09-29-2003, 02:10 AM	#37
~~Leo656~~ Banned Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: nWo Country Posts: 27,703	Barkworm, don't EVER make reference to me being your girlfriend again! It's just CREEPY!

09-29-2003, 02:39 AM	#39
~~Leo656~~ Banned Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: nWo Country Posts: 27,703	You sure look a little tall to be Mary, "Dear"........

09-29-2003, 02:44 AM	#40
Barkworm Draconian leftist ruler Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Germany Posts: 6,757	Honestly, we should stop that in a deep-voice: Let's go watch some porn, dude! __________________ Make ****, not kill!