jokes come and laugh youre head off - Page 2

angryash · 08-30-2002, 09:56 AM

A lady approaches a priest at a restaurant and tells him, 'Father, I have a
problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.'

'What do they say?' the priest inquired.
'They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'

'That's terrible!' the priest exclaimed, 'but I have a solution to your
problem. Bring your two female parrots over to the rectory and I will put
them with my two male talking parrots who I taught to pray and read the
bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that
terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.'
'Oh Thank you!' the woman responded.

The next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His
two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The
lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'
One male parrot looks over at the other male and exclaims, 'Put the beads away, Our prayers have been answered!!!'

angryash · 08-30-2002, 09:57 AM

A husband looking through the paper came upon a study that said women use
more words than men. Excited to prove to his wife that he had been right all

along when he accused her of talking too much, he showed her the study
results. It read "Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000."

The wife thought for a while, then finally said to her husband, "It's
because
we have to repeat everything we say."

The husband said, "What?"

Ryan · 08-30-2002, 11:59 PM

Hi. Those were some of the better jokes I have heard. I especially liked the Parrot one, Redneck, and the hick joke.
Thanks. Here is one:

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates, St. Peter greets Ford and tells him, "Well, you've been such a good guy, and your invention... the Assembly line for the automobile... changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want." Ford thinks about it, and says, "I want to hang out with God Himself." So the befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the Throne Room, and introduces him to God.
Ford asks God, "When you invented Woman, what were you thinking?" God asks, "What do you mean?" "Well," says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters way too much at high speeds.
3. Maintenance is extremely high.
4. It constantly needs repainting and refinishing.
5. Every 28 days it leaks fluid and is rendered out of service.
6. The rear end wobbles too much.
7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust.
8. The headlights are usually too small.
9. Fuel consumption is outrageous.

"Hummmm," replies God, "hold on a minute." God goes over to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. In no time, the computer prints out a report and God reads it. God then turns to Ford, and says, "It may be that my invention is flawed, but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours.

Now, I have a few jokes that are more adult, ie, cursing. Is that allowed or discouraged?

Have a good one.

Ryan

*Nickokapo* · 08-31-2002, 03:36 AM

That joke was hillarious ryan

I have no idea if cursing is allowed...it's not prohibited in any of the 4 rules, but i think it was not allowed in tmnt discussion...this is general discussion tho..ahhh, im confused now

i have no idea, ask someone else

**Kali** · 08-31-2002, 02:58 PM

Eh, strong cursing is definitely not a good idea. We try and keep things PG to PG-13 around here, in case younger kids are around.

But I love that last joke.

angryash · 09-01-2002, 01:40 AM

but i didnt think young people under 13 would be on a chat room well forum

**Nturtle** · 09-01-2002, 11:18 AM

hey I'm 14 I'm here, come to think of it I'm probebley the youngest person here

I've heard of 9 year olds on forums before though so don't count on it

Still you could just censor the jokes a little or something

**azure turtle** · 09-01-2002, 11:53 PM

I've met someone as young as 11 posting on one of the TMNT message boards (not this one, however). So yes, there are young kids who may lurk or even post on these message boards. Like Kali said, no excessive cursing.

angryash · 09-02-2002, 12:48 PM

well you are not the yongest one here n turtle cause im 13 14 in october
but i am still older than 13

Little_Ebony_Filly · 09-02-2002, 02:19 PM

i'm 14 but all those jokes are funny i almost peaed my pants on the parrot one and i like ur's too ryan that was funny

**Nturtle** · 09-02-2002, 08:15 PM

thats good to know, I was feeling small

angryash · 09-03-2002, 10:14 AM

soz if the parrot one was to funny

*Nickokapo* · 09-10-2002, 10:02 PM

This bar is on top of a high building and this guy has been drinking there so this new guy comes in and the drunk guy invites him for a drink so they drink and drink and talk and talk, and the drunk guy then says:
"see that window over there? it's magical because you can jump out the window and not die"
The drunk guy keeps explaining him that if you jump outta that magical window you'll fall all the way down 10 feet before you hit the ground and stop in midair then go all the way back up...The new guy thought he was drinking too much and told him, but the drunk guy...he jumped out the window and he's falling and falling...then he slows down to a stop, then goes back up through the magical window, the new guy didn't believe his eyes so the new guy tries it, then he falls and....
SPLAT!
He dies...the drunk guy was like.."oh s#%t it didn't work" so he closes the window goes back to the bar, asks for another drink and the bartender says:
" You're a jerk when your drunk Superman!"

heard it in an irc chat room

**azure turtle** · 09-10-2002, 10:56 PM

LOL!!!

Oh that Superman... I bet he's the life of every party he attends.

08-30-2002, 11:59 PM	#23
Ryan Foot Soldier Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: South Bend Posts: 113	Hi. Those were some of the better jokes I have heard. I especially liked the Parrot one, Redneck, and the hick joke. Thanks. Here is one: Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates, St. Peter greets Ford and tells him, "Well, you've been such a good guy, and your invention... the Assembly line for the automobile... changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want." Ford thinks about it, and says, "I want to hang out with God Himself." So the befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the Throne Room, and introduces him to God. Ford asks God, "When you invented Woman, what were you thinking?" God asks, "What do you mean?" "Well," says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in your invention: 1. There's too much front-end protrusion. 2. It chatters way too much at high speeds. 3. Maintenance is extremely high. 4. It constantly needs repainting and refinishing. 5. Every 28 days it leaks fluid and is rendered out of service. 6. The rear end wobbles too much. 7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust. 8. The headlights are usually too small. 9. Fuel consumption is outrageous. "Hummmm," replies God, "hold on a minute." God goes over to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. In no time, the computer prints out a report and God reads it. God then turns to Ford, and says, "It may be that my invention is flawed, but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours. Now, I have a few jokes that are more adult, ie, cursing. Is that allowed or discouraged? Have a good one. Ryan __________________ I heart Turtles. Wakka Wakka Wakka!

08-31-2002, 03:36 AM	#24
Nickokapo Emperor Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Argentina Posts: 5,802	That joke was hillarious ryan I have no idea if cursing is allowed...it's not prohibited in any of the 4 rules, but i think it was not allowed in tmnt discussion...this is general discussion tho..ahhh, im confused now i have no idea, ask someone else __________________

09-01-2002, 11:18 AM	#27
Nturtle Ninja Master Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Technodrome Airducts Posts: 5,215	hey I'm 14 I'm here, come to think of it I'm probebley the youngest person here I've heard of 9 year olds on forums before though so don't count on it Still you could just censor the jokes a little or something __________________ Fil rules. If Fil takes your 5 bucks then you should be eternally grateful that Fil would even borrow your money. Fil.

09-01-2002, 11:53 PM	#28
azure turtle Mango Lovin' Mutant Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 9,453	I've met someone as young as 11 posting on one of the TMNT message boards (not this one, however). So yes, there are young kids who may lurk or even post on these message boards. Like Kali said, no excessive cursing. __________________ "God, I love being a turtle!" Want to meet the only blue ninja turtle in existence? Come visit me at my Lair!

09-02-2002, 02:19 PM	#30
Little_Ebony_Filly Foot Soldier Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Florida Posts: 127	i'm 14 but all those jokes are funny i almost peaed my pants on the parrot one and i like ur's too ryan that was funny __________________ Use your head turn around don't drown.

08-30-2002, 09:56 AM	#21
angryash Foot Soldier Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: linconshire Posts: 141	A lady approaches a priest at a restaurant and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.' 'What do they say?' the priest inquired. 'They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?' 'That's terrible!' the priest exclaimed, 'but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to the rectory and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.' 'Oh Thank you!' the woman responded. The next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?' One male parrot looks over at the other male and exclaims, 'Put the beads away, Our prayers have been answered!!!'

08-30-2002, 09:57 AM	#22
angryash Foot Soldier Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: linconshire Posts: 141	A husband looking through the paper came upon a study that said women use more words than men. Excited to prove to his wife that he had been right all along when he accused her of talking too much, he showed her the study results. It read "Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000." The wife thought for a while, then finally said to her husband, "It's because we have to repeat everything we say." The husband said, "What?"

08-31-2002, 02:58 PM	#25
Kali Inactive Moderator Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: California! Posts: 11,101	Eh, strong cursing is definitely not a good idea. We try and keep things PG to PG-13 around here, in case younger kids are around. But I love that last joke.

09-01-2002, 01:40 AM	#26
angryash Foot Soldier Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: linconshire Posts: 141	but i didnt think young people under 13 would be on a chat room well forum

09-02-2002, 12:48 PM	#29
angryash Foot Soldier Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: linconshire Posts: 141	well you are not the yongest one here n turtle cause im 13 14 in october but i am still older than 13

09-02-2002, 08:15 PM	#31
Nturtle Ninja Master Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Technodrome Airducts Posts: 5,215	thats good to know, I was feeling small __________________ Fil rules. If Fil takes your 5 bucks then you should be eternally grateful that Fil would even borrow your money. Fil.

09-03-2002, 10:14 AM	#32
angryash Foot Soldier Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: linconshire Posts: 141	soz if the parrot one was to funny

09-10-2002, 10:02 PM	#33
Nickokapo Emperor Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Argentina Posts: 5,802	This bar is on top of a high building and this guy has been drinking there so this new guy comes in and the drunk guy invites him for a drink so they drink and drink and talk and talk, and the drunk guy then says: "see that window over there? it's magical because you can jump out the window and not die" The drunk guy keeps explaining him that if you jump outta that magical window you'll fall all the way down 10 feet before you hit the ground and stop in midair then go all the way back up...The new guy thought he was drinking too much and told him, but the drunk guy...he jumped out the window and he's falling and falling...then he slows down to a stop, then goes back up through the magical window, the new guy didn't believe his eyes so the new guy tries it, then he falls and.... SPLAT! He dies...the drunk guy was like.."oh s#%t it didn't work" so he closes the window goes back to the bar, asks for another drink and the bartender says: " You're a jerk when your drunk Superman!" heard it in an irc chat room __________________

09-10-2002, 10:56 PM	#34
azure turtle Mango Lovin' Mutant Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 9,453	LOL!!! Oh that Superman... I bet he's the life of every party he attends. __________________ "God, I love being a turtle!" Want to meet the only blue ninja turtle in existence? Come visit me at my Lair!