Greatest Headlines of 2004

*That Matt Guy* · 01-04-2005, 06:08 AM

LONDON (Reuters) - Humming sex toy shuts Australian airport. Taiwanese man tries to convert lions to Jesus, gets bitten.

Talking toilet orders German men to sit down. Chinese get busy signal on Beijing suicide line.

Judging by the bizarre headlines that greeted readers around the world, 2004 was a bumper year for the weird and wacky.

Canadian guide dog barred for only answering its master's commands in French. Japanese boy writes apology in blood for dozing in class.

The list is endless, living proof that truth is all too often stranger than fiction.

A vibrating sex toy chucked into a rubbish bin at an Australian airport sparked a security alert that only ended when an embarrassed passenger came forward to claim what was identified as "an adult novelty device."

A fervent evangelist who leapt into the lions' den at Taipei zoo and shouted "Jesus will save you" was lucky to escape with just a bite in the right leg when he tried to convert the king of beasts to Christianity.

Feeling suicidal in Beijing? Then be patient.

Nine out of 10 Chinese calling into a suicide-prevention hotline were greeted by an engaged signal.

When it comes to quirky ideas, man's ingenuity knows no bounds.

A German inventor came up with a best-selling gadget that berates men if they try to use the toilet standing up, telling them: "Put the seat back down right away, you are definitely not to pee standing up."

The Germans have been accused of being a deadly serious people with a severe sense of humor failure.

But several surreal tales that would not look out of place in a Monty Python sketch prove they can laugh at themselves.

German police arrested a flasher who stumbled over his dropped trousers during an aborted attempt to flee.

A cost-cutting German theater was berated for using just four dwarves instead of seven in their Snow White show.

A survey revealed that most German men wear the wrong size condoms. Germans said they find smelly co-workers to be the most annoying aspect of their jobs.

Britain had its share of oddities too.

UK nursing home staff were so proud of a 105-year-old woman who had smoked since the age of 15 that they cremated her with a packet of her favorite cigarettes in the coffin.

A British train conductor stamped and carefully returned the ticket of a slumbering passenger without realizing the man was dead. A South African radio reporter went a little more live than he anticipated when he was mugged on air for his cellphone while transmitting from a squatter settlement.

Romance certainly had its rough patches in 2004.

A Norwegian court acquitted a man accused of raping a sleeping woman after he said he was also asleep at the time.

All three wives of a 67-year-old Iranian man took overdoses in an unsuccessful triple suicide bid after the youngest wife sparked jealousy by buying an expensive pair of boots.

A Malaysian man shot his wife dead after he mistook her for a monkey picking fruit behind their house.

A Spaniard tried to have his wife charged with domestic abuse because she refused to have sex with him on five consecutive nights.

Two Italians with the nicknames Bull Shark and Nurse Shark donned bubble-helmet immersion suits to get married in a shark tank.

But from Latin America to Africa, tainted love turned twice to tragedy.

A Mexican man killed his lover in a drunken, drugged fight and then cooked the man's body in tomato and onion sauce and ate it over three days.

And a Zambian man hanged himself in shame after his wife rushed into their house to investigate a noise and found him having sex with a chicken. The chicken was slaughtered afterwards.

**ThirdMarioBro** · 01-06-2005, 02:26 AM

Man that is funny.

*Voltron* · 01-08-2005, 04:37 AM

Quote:

A Malaysian man shot his wife dead after he mistook her for a monkey picking fruit behind their house.

Thats one way to get rid of her. I'd love to see him explain that to the in-laws.

Father-"My little girl is special to me. As her fiance' I need to know...will you treat her right?"

Malaysia Pete-"Why, yes sir!"

Father-"You won't confuse her with a monkey and gun her down with extreme prejudice, will you?"

Malaysia Pete-"Is this a trick question?"

JJ · 01-11-2005, 03:40 PM

Some of these headlines are pretty funny, yes. These are actual headlines from what newspaper??

Jamezer · 01-22-2005, 01:00 AM

-actor christoper reeves dies
...good i hated that guy. it disgusts me that his walking is moreimportant to him than the lives of unborn kids

*Hannah* · 01-22-2005, 07:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jamezer

-actor christoper reeves dies
...good i hated that guy. it disgusts me that his walking is moreimportant to him than the lives of unborn kids

What the heck-?

*Anarky* · 01-22-2005, 09:17 AM

He was probably pro-abortion. But hey, he really did have bigger problems than unborn kids.

*That Matt Guy* · 01-22-2005, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jamezer

-actor christoper reeves dies
...good i hated that guy. it disgusts me that his walking is moreimportant to him than the lives of unborn kids

Insulting dead people is not a good way to make friends.

*KROW* · 01-22-2005, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jamezer

-actor christoper reeves dies
...good i hated that guy. it disgusts me that his walking is moreimportant to him than the lives of unborn kids

Well, if you were severely crippled and had a fighting chance to not only walk again, but to breathe normally like other people, what would you say if someone came up to you asking to give your life savings into saving unborn children? Just because he didn't spare his final remaining moments on Earth trying to save them, doesn't mean he's a disgusting human being. God forbid a man should have the will to keep living. Let the parents of an unborn child decide the fate of their respective fetus.

*Anarky* · 01-22-2005, 04:38 PM

Well, yeah, I think KROW said what's to say (good work, btw). And let's not turn this into a pro/contra abortion thread. Thank you.

01-04-2005, 06:08 AM	#1
That Matt Guy Honey Bunches Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Lone Star State Posts: 5,840	Greatest Headlines of 2004 LONDON (Reuters) - Humming sex toy shuts Australian airport. Taiwanese man tries to convert lions to Jesus, gets bitten. Talking toilet orders German men to sit down. Chinese get busy signal on Beijing suicide line. Judging by the bizarre headlines that greeted readers around the world, 2004 was a bumper year for the weird and wacky. Canadian guide dog barred for only answering its master's commands in French. Japanese boy writes apology in blood for dozing in class. The list is endless, living proof that truth is all too often stranger than fiction. A vibrating sex toy chucked into a rubbish bin at an Australian airport sparked a security alert that only ended when an embarrassed passenger came forward to claim what was identified as "an adult novelty device." A fervent evangelist who leapt into the lions' den at Taipei zoo and shouted "Jesus will save you" was lucky to escape with just a bite in the right leg when he tried to convert the king of beasts to Christianity. Feeling suicidal in Beijing? Then be patient. Nine out of 10 Chinese calling into a suicide-prevention hotline were greeted by an engaged signal. When it comes to quirky ideas, man's ingenuity knows no bounds. A German inventor came up with a best-selling gadget that berates men if they try to use the toilet standing up, telling them: "Put the seat back down right away, you are definitely not to pee standing up." The Germans have been accused of being a deadly serious people with a severe sense of humor failure. But several surreal tales that would not look out of place in a Monty Python sketch prove they can laugh at themselves. German police arrested a flasher who stumbled over his dropped trousers during an aborted attempt to flee. A cost-cutting German theater was berated for using just four dwarves instead of seven in their Snow White show. A survey revealed that most German men wear the wrong size condoms. Germans said they find smelly co-workers to be the most annoying aspect of their jobs. Britain had its share of oddities too. UK nursing home staff were so proud of a 105-year-old woman who had smoked since the age of 15 that they cremated her with a packet of her favorite cigarettes in the coffin. A British train conductor stamped and carefully returned the ticket of a slumbering passenger without realizing the man was dead. A South African radio reporter went a little more live than he anticipated when he was mugged on air for his cellphone while transmitting from a squatter settlement. Romance certainly had its rough patches in 2004. A Norwegian court acquitted a man accused of raping a sleeping woman after he said he was also asleep at the time. All three wives of a 67-year-old Iranian man took overdoses in an unsuccessful triple suicide bid after the youngest wife sparked jealousy by buying an expensive pair of boots. A Malaysian man shot his wife dead after he mistook her for a monkey picking fruit behind their house. A Spaniard tried to have his wife charged with domestic abuse because she refused to have sex with him on five consecutive nights. Two Italians with the nicknames Bull Shark and Nurse Shark donned bubble-helmet immersion suits to get married in a shark tank. But from Latin America to Africa, tainted love turned twice to tragedy. A Mexican man killed his lover in a drunken, drugged fight and then cooked the man's body in tomato and onion sauce and ate it over three days. And a Zambian man hanged himself in shame after his wife rushed into their house to investigate a noise and found him having sex with a chicken. The chicken was slaughtered afterwards.

01-06-2005, 02:26 AM	#2
ThirdMarioBro Tea Time! Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 8,905	Man that is funny. __________________

01-22-2005, 01:00 AM	#5
Jamezer Foot Soldier Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: The Sewers of New York Posts: 119	-actor christoper reeves dies ...good i hated that guy. it disgusts me that his walking is moreimportant to him than the lives of unborn kids __________________ The Great One! Cartman: "My mom says that there's a lot of black people in Africa"

01-22-2005, 09:17 AM	#7
Anarky Outlaw Hero Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Tannhauser Gate Posts: 4,867	He was probably pro-abortion. But hey, he really did have bigger problems than unborn kids. __________________ Because it's... I dunno... brutal.

01-22-2005, 04:38 PM	#10
Anarky Outlaw Hero Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Tannhauser Gate Posts: 4,867	Well, yeah, I think KROW said what's to say (good work, btw). And let's not turn this into a pro/contra abortion thread. Thank you. __________________ Because it's... I dunno... brutal.

01-11-2005, 03:40 PM	#4
JJ Thug Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: I kind of live in Sierra Vista, AZ and in Germany... Posts: 64	Some of these headlines are pretty funny, yes. These are actual headlines from what newspaper??