Something upsetting...

comet_an_me · 12-12-2006, 08:26 AM

My best friends dad has just died, he had a tumor in the brain during easter but he had it removed, he was getting better, in fact alot better then expected. Any way i had a phone call this morning from her saying he had died in his sleep, she was extreamly upset so i told her id be there in 10mins. I got to her flat and the first thing she did was hug me and cry, for ages and ages, then this is the strange part she started to laugh and make jokes. I couldn't understand why she was, i am very worrid for her as she never shows her emotion any way. But i didn't know what to do, so i laughed along. Shes just dropped me back home and now is getting ready for a flight home she lives some 300 miles away in Aberdeen, Scotland, thats were all her family are. But i feel like i did the wroung thing by laughing with her, what do you guys think?

~~Toonami Tom~~ · 12-12-2006, 08:43 AM

I'm very sorry to hear about your friend's Dad.

I prayed for them, God Bless.

I don't think you did the wrong thing if she was laughing first. I guess you could talk to her about it at a later time if you wanted to. I wouldn't mention it to her though. Don't worry. You sound like a great friend.

*gobo* · 12-12-2006, 08:48 AM

Not at all. There is no "right answer" here. People follow the stages of death in varying patterns. She just started joking as a means to distract herself from the pain. If you hadn't laughed with her, she would have felt emotionally abandoned. So, it was the most convenient way for you to be supportive in that situation. Be sure to keep the lines of communication open with her so that she doesn't lose sight of the fact that people still care for her.

~~Toonami Tom~~ · 12-12-2006, 08:50 AM

I agree with Gobo ^^^^

comet_an_me · 12-12-2006, 10:05 AM

Thanks guys, i think im in shock too, i didnt relise how much this affected me as well. But i was just sent out of my lecture cause someone mentioned they were going to kill someone (jokingly) and i just burst out into tears. I didnt even meet my friends dad. But....oh i dont know

*Mecha Cow* · 12-12-2006, 10:12 AM

That sucks, and no, you did the right thing, what's important is that you're there for her and support her.

Krang's Uncle · 12-12-2006, 12:23 PM

People react to adversity in different ways. I remember as a kid in elementary school there was a boy in my class that would always laugh and smile when he was in trouble with the teacher. She used to take it as him not caring, until she came to realize that was how he coped with problems. Perhaps your friend making jokes and laughing is their way of dealing with things. Either way, you shouldnt feel bad. Death is a difficult thing to deal with, and leaves a lot of us with a loss for words or how to react.

*iris* · 12-12-2006, 01:20 PM

You are a great friend. I had friends like you when one of my family members died, and their just being there made all the difference. When I remember that time now, there is that one good aspect to it, and that makes it easier. You did that for your friend, so be glad (or at least know that you will be glad about it later), and don't worry.

It's also normal for you to feel sad about this, even though you never met your friend's dad.

*discordiatookie* · 12-12-2006, 03:00 PM

That's sad about your friend's dad. i wouldnt worry about laughing with her, she needs all the smiles she can get right now. sounds like you did right, just by being there. so she's from aberdeen huh? its a small world after all! d'ya know what area she's from?

comet_an_me · 12-12-2006, 03:06 PM

thanks again every one. I do know i just cant remember ive got her addy some where ill let you no

12-12-2006, 08:26 AM	#1
comet_an_me Stone Warrior Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Royal Leamington Spa Posts: 737	Something upsetting... My best friends dad has just died, he had a tumor in the brain during easter but he had it removed, he was getting better, in fact alot better then expected. Any way i had a phone call this morning from her saying he had died in his sleep, she was extreamly upset so i told her id be there in 10mins. I got to her flat and the first thing she did was hug me and cry, for ages and ages, then this is the strange part she started to laugh and make jokes. I couldn't understand why she was, i am very worrid for her as she never shows her emotion any way. But i didn't know what to do, so i laughed along. Shes just dropped me back home and now is getting ready for a flight home she lives some 300 miles away in Aberdeen, Scotland, thats were all her family are. But i feel like i did the wroung thing by laughing with her, what do you guys think? __________________ The innocence of youth http://www.myspace.com/116334168

12-12-2006, 08:48 AM	#3
gobo Wacky Action Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: on Earth Posts: 12,784	Not at all. There is no "right answer" here. People follow the stages of death in varying patterns. She just started joking as a means to distract herself from the pain. If you hadn't laughed with her, she would have felt emotionally abandoned. So, it was the most convenient way for you to be supportive in that situation. Be sure to keep the lines of communication open with her so that she doesn't lose sight of the fact that people still care for her. __________________ Live and let live... or go to hell.

12-12-2006, 10:05 AM	#5
comet_an_me Stone Warrior Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Royal Leamington Spa Posts: 737	Thanks guys, i think im in shock too, i didnt relise how much this affected me as well. But i was just sent out of my lecture cause someone mentioned they were going to kill someone (jokingly) and i just burst out into tears. I didnt even meet my friends dad. But....oh i dont know __________________ The innocence of youth http://www.myspace.com/116334168

12-12-2006, 10:12 AM	#6
Mecha Cow Gorgeous and modest too Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 3,699	That sucks, and no, you did the right thing, what's important is that you're there for her and support her. __________________

12-12-2006, 01:20 PM	#8
iris moddy mod mod Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: finally escaped the lab Posts: 1,886	You are a great friend. I had friends like you when one of my family members died, and their just being there made all the difference. When I remember that time now, there is that one good aspect to it, and that makes it easier. You did that for your friend, so be glad (or at least know that you will be glad about it later), and don't worry. It's also normal for you to feel sad about this, even though you never met your friend's dad. __________________ Appeal to nobler motives. Like pie. [ life is at best bitter sweet ]

12-12-2006, 08:43 AM	#2
~~Toonami Tom~~ Banned Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: USA Posts: 4,939	I'm very sorry to hear about your friend's Dad. I prayed for them, God Bless. I don't think you did the wrong thing if she was laughing first. I guess you could talk to her about it at a later time if you wanted to. I wouldn't mention it to her though. Don't worry. You sound like a great friend.

12-12-2006, 08:50 AM	#4
~~Toonami Tom~~ Banned Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: USA Posts: 4,939	I agree with Gobo ^^^^

12-12-2006, 12:23 PM	#7
Krang's Uncle Foot Soldier Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 106	People react to adversity in different ways. I remember as a kid in elementary school there was a boy in my class that would always laugh and smile when he was in trouble with the teacher. She used to take it as him not caring, until she came to realize that was how he coped with problems. Perhaps your friend making jokes and laughing is their way of dealing with things. Either way, you shouldnt feel bad. Death is a difficult thing to deal with, and leaves a lot of us with a loss for words or how to react.

12-12-2006, 03:00 PM	#9
discordiatookie facehugger Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Aberdeen, Scotland Posts: 2,817	That's sad about your friend's dad. i wouldnt worry about laughing with her, she needs all the smiles she can get right now. sounds like you did right, just by being there. so she's from aberdeen huh? its a small world after all! d'ya know what area she's from? __________________ Oh Discordia! Charyou Tree! Come, Reap! Don't tell us to grow up and out of it I got my cloak and dagger in a bar room brawl You actually trying to read this tiny text? Damn, you're dedicated! This is all just for effect you know... original TMNT art collection

12-12-2006, 03:06 PM	#10
comet_an_me Stone Warrior Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Royal Leamington Spa Posts: 737	thanks again every one. I do know i just cant remember ive got her addy some where ill let you no __________________ The innocence of youth http://www.myspace.com/116334168