Titbits

[Spawn Guy]

These are just a bunch of writing experiments I cooked up a while ago, just days in the turtleslives. I was trying something new here, which is why its pure dialouge. I've tried to make it clear how's speaking when but I'm going to play it safe and use colour tags anyway. Think of them as plays with out cues or prompts. For those of you who care, this is kind of how my dialouge into Ultimate TMNT will come out. Seemwhat you think. Had to split this in two because of the word limit.

“A car?”

“Come on Leo!”

“Don, it’s a car. What do we need a car for?”

“Other than a means of getting around the city? We can’t jump everywhere Leo.”

“Wanna bet?”

“Your impossible, you know that?”

“I’m not. I’m just thinking this through.”

“And you think I haven’t? Look, if this about the environment thing…”

“I knew you’d rub that in my face!”

“I’m not!”

“Just because I feel our lifestyle down there, while not perfect, could be used as an example to people dependant on dangerous fuels and waste producing technology…”

“Technology dosen’t produce waste.”

“You weren’t there when Mike had a video game marathon. Starting with the Genesis and moving on up. When did he get a Wii anyway?”

“When you weren’t looking?”

“What?”

“Nothing. Back on topic…”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“We’ve got the Battle shell.”

“An armoured car. Yeah, that’s real fun for the whole family.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Not everybody likes trucking on up to Northampton. The thing handles like a…well, an armoured car. Is it too much to ask for some creature comforts? ”

“Hey, we tried the seat warmer idea. You remember what happened?”

“Mistakes were made.”

“Exactly. The Battle shell is perfectly suited to getting us up there. It’s not like we drive anywhere else.”

“So isn’t that all the more reason to do so in comfort? I, for one, want to feel like a normal person when we all get together to do normal things.”

“Like drive up to farm houses.”

“Yes..”

“And not doing any actual farming.”

“What?”

“We don’t.”

“That’s not what we’re there for.”

“Well maybe it should be. Think of the exercise…”

“We do enough exercise.”

“Some people don’t.”

“I heard that!”

“Sorry…”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Donny…”

“Don’t ‘Donny’ me! I think I know exactly what it means, Mr Perfect.”

“Hey now…”

“We got up at seven, just like you asked. Me, Raph and Mikey. For a four hour jog. Seven, Leo. Seven. Four. Hours.”

“Keep your voice down!”

“Like anyone hangs around the warehouse district at seven in the evening.”

“You’d be surprised.”

“Wh…actually…yes, I probably would…”

“Look I know it‘s rough, but Sensei wants us on our toes…”

“Which is why I think a car would help.”

“How?”

“It’s inconspicuous.”

“What?”

“We could black out the windows. Nobody would be able to see in.”

“Would we be able to see out?”

“Hey, we’re ninjas, right?”

“That’s not funny. And like I said, if you want to ride around in something, we have the Battle Shell.”

“Yeah, an armoured car. That’s totally inconspicuous. No one would ever notice that.”

“No one has so far.”

“That we know of.”

[Spawn Guy]

“I’m pretty sure we’d know if our vehicles we’re liked to anything. The news picks up on that kind of stuff.”

“Leo, we stole the thing!”

“From the Purple Dragons.”

“Who stole it from God knows where! We don’t have license plates, we use it in ten percent of every car chase we get into, somebody’s bound to notice. Armoured cars aren’t casual things to drive in. Every time we drive up to the farmhouse we don’t farm around in, we have to take the side roads, the roads with no speed cameras, the roads with no tool booths…”

“We have to do that anyway.”

“Fair point. I just…I don‘t know.”

“What?”

“I look up at the surface sometimes…and I see the young couples getting into their cars. I see the little kids fighting over the back seat. I see the frat boys fighting over shotgun…which is the exact same now that I think about it. My point is...well, I see normal people…well, apart from the frat boys…I see normal families. And then we find this thing just rusting away in this run down warehouse.”

“Donny…”

“Is it so wrong to want that? To cruise along the highway? To feel at ease? To glance at the girls as they flash past your window…”

“Ah hah.”

“What?”

“I think I see the problem.”

“What?”

“Cruising along the highway? In New York?”

“Well, admittedly their may be a couple of traffic jams…Ok, fair point.”

“Feeling at ease?”

“Well, we would have cruise control and air bags…”

“Girls flashing?”

“Uh…”

“That was the point I figured it out at.”

“I’m a normal person Leo. With normal urges.”

“Raph and Mike put you up to this didn’t they.”

“Their exact words were ‘Chicks dig the car’. While my initial response was ‘This is why Superman works alone’ I must confess they made a compelling argument.”

“I figured it was something like…wait, what?”

“Huh?”

“What was that last bit? That you just said? What was it?”

“Oh, its a Batman and Robin reference. Its a…”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, a movie, it stunk, awful, the bit before that.”

“Chicks dig the car?”

“Before that.”

“Normal urges?”

“No, and please don’t ever say that again. Before that.”

“Girls flashing?”

“You, Raph and Mike want that watch the late night channel…not going to happen by the way. After that.”

“Cruise control and air bags?”

“Yeah, I keep noticing the air bags part.”

“What about it?”

“Are you telling me we don’t have air bags in the Battle Shell?”

“Honestly? No.”

“Why in the hell not?!”

“Keep your voice down! The surprising people may have extremely good hearing.”

“Sorry. Why not?”

“I don’t know.”

“You built the thing!”

“It…was never really an issue.”

“And why not?”

“No room for one thing. One of the draw backs of having to repair a stolen armoured car.”

“But why dosen’t it have air bags?”

“It did belong to the Purple Dragons.”

“Good God, I never even thought about it…”

“No, you probably didn’t. I didn’t either. Its just one of those things you take for granted. Cars have air bags. Fact of life. Universal constant.”

“Now I’m worrying about where you got those missiles from.”

“Oh there’s a munitions dump five blocks away.”

“What?”

“I know. Turns out the military dumps a lot of stuff near the water supply. Go figure.”

“We’re driving around in something with no air bags and nukes?”

“Not nukes. Used LAW rockets maybe, but not nukes..”

“I am never riding in anything you build ever again.”

“So still not so hot on the car idea?”

“No.”

“Even though it’d be more inconspicuous than a stolen armoured car with LAW rockets?”

“An inconspicuous car in New York?”

“There not exactly uncommon.”

“With blacked out windows.”

“Yeah.”

“And what colour would you paint this chick magnet?”

“Green of course.”

“I see.”

“You do?”

“Green?”

“Yes. Maybe olive green.”

“Olive green?”

“Yes.”

“With blacked out window?”

“Yes.”

“Olive green?”

“Your full of questions I already have answers to.”

“And this olive green car will be inconspicuous while you watch girls flash past the blacked out windows while driving up toll booth free roads to the farmhouse we do no farming on?”

“Yes…um…”

“Or at least more inconspicuous than a stolen armoured car with no air bags. With nukes.”

“LAW rockets, not nukes.”

“Same thing when your riding a burning metal death trap.”

“That’s why God invented seat belts.”

“Mikey and Raph?”

“Actually I’m afraid that was me.”

“Let’s go back home.”

“It’s a shame really. It could have been beautiful.”

“And olive green.”

“Oh, shut up.”

[Sewer Bull]

Entertaining. Go on.

[Spawn Guy]

Don't yell at me you unsubtle clod, or there will be no more of these.

[Sewer Bull]

Oops... Is this quiet enough?

Seriously, that was a fine piece of dialogue if you ask me.

[Garou]

Hehehe - Olive green? I can almost picture the car in my mind. If this is for the Ultimate TMNT, I am so not going to miss that out. I had so much fun reading those lines It would be great, if you had more...

[Spawn Guy]

Indeed I do.

Like I said, that's sort of how it'll come out. The guys will play off each other. Like that conversation for example: Don's reasoning for having the car is practical, but Leo's reasons for not are just as practical. Leo's coming off as a prude here, but once you get to the heart of Don's reasoning you kind of have to take everything he just said with a grain of salt. Their both also the charecters that seem the less likely to argue, so there's more humour in that.

And oh the fun I can have with the tried and true Raph/Mikey stuff.

“What’re you doing?”

“Whoa! Raph! Do not scare me like that again!”

“I’ll put it on my palm pilot. What’re you doing?”

“Making a sandwich.”

“You’ve got, like…ten boxes of pizza in here!”

“No! Just six.”

“What for?”

“Leftovers. Figured I‘d use them up.”

“Are those pickles?”

“Yep. Ham and cheese too. Just gotta reheat the slices, slap ‘em on and then grab the mustard.”

“Mike…”

“What?”

“Forget it. Jeez, and I thought you had standards…”

“Huh?”

“I said forget it. Just popped in to make myself a snack. Kinda whish I hadn‘t now.”

“Don’t knock it when I haven’t even tried it.”

“Oh good, it’s untested. That makes me feel so good.”

“It’s the perfect snack. It’s got cheese, meat, and I just add more of whatever I want. It’s gonna rock.”

“How many you making?”

“Five.”

“Right.”

“It’s movie night. And I‘m tired of making pop corn. You guys can have your little balls of salt and butter! I am an artist! ”

“Maybe not.”

“Come again?”

“Leo’s on patrol, got his sights set on that new brain trust setting themselves up to fill in what the old Purple Dragon gang left behind. Could be a while. Splinter’s getting ready for a nap, I figure it was that take out from last night. He didn’t look too good.”

“Eww. So, wait, what about Don?”

“Got stuck baby sitting Shadow. We got the phone call on the way over here.”

“So April and Casey can’t make either?”

“They had to go check out some new building they wanted to rent out for some spare cash. Don’t know when they’ll be back, but Don didn’t mind. He sends his regrets by the way.”

“Bummer. So what about Shadow?”

“He’s thinking of brining her over. April and Casey probably wouldn’t mind and we got their cell numbers.”

“Awesome!”

“All this time, and you still talk like a fourteen year old from nineteen eighty five.”

“Says the jerk from nineteen fifties Brooklyn. But she’s coming? That’ll be cool. Got a great one picked out for tonight.”

“I know with all the many years of experience I’m gonna regret this, but…?”

“Mr Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas. Heart warming, with killer stop motion animation, followed by Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Ware Rabbit, also killer.”

“Mike, it’s November.”

“So? Christmas is only once a year, but creepy puppets are forever. Hey, pass the salt.”

“Your putting everything on that sandwich, ain’t ya?”

“You can never have too much of a good thing.”

“The internet begs to differ. And that reminds me…sandwiches.”

“I said I was gonna use up all the leftovers.”

“And make pop corn.”

“I humbly lower myself to the expectations of the common man, while retaining my artistic expression.”

“It’s leftover pizza and mustard.”

“Philistine.”

“While your heating these things up Picasso, gimme one of those slices.”

“Hands off!”

“Jeez, clingy little thing aren’t ya?”

“I’m using that!”

“Your using ten boxes!”

“Six!”

“You are not gonna eat all of that. Not even you could eat all of that.”

“Well, it’s not all for me Mr Grabby. Shadows coming over. And Klunk’s going to love it.”

“Your gonna give a kid and your cat a heart attack. Yeah, best Christmas present ever.”

“It’s November.”

“Wiseass. Hey, we got any pastrami left?”

“Take a right at the coleslaw, left of the orange juice, and just behind the horse relish.”

“All that ninja training, and we eat like Homer goddamn Simpson. Give me some of that bread, or are you using up all that too?”

“With that attitude I might just ask you for the magic word. While your in there, pass me the coleslaw, huh?”

“You are going to die.”

“And yet your handing me the coleslaw I notice.”

“Only in exchange for the bread dead man. Move over, I need some room to work on this thing.”

“Is that peanut butter?”

“Yep.”

“Pastrami and peanut butter?”

“Pizza and mustard. With cheese and ham.”

“Touché.”

[Spawn Guy]

“No clean knives left?”

“Don swiped the last few for some experiment. I didn’t ask of course.”

“Right. Sai it is then.”

“Need any help?”

“Nah, I’m good. Hungry though.”

“That’s a lot of pastrami.”

“Been doing a lot of running.”

“Why pastrami?”

“After doing my rounds in the Bronx I end up getting into this throw down between some Russian weapons dealers and the mafia. Go figure, first rooftop I’ve jump, I got this hankering for pastrami. Actually now I think about it, a little coleslaw too. Pass it over.”

“I’m not done. You might want to use that up by the way. Expires tomorrow.”

“Eh, fair enough. Man it smells good in here.”

“It’s a kitchen.”

“In a sewer. In New York no less, but it smells great. What is that? Don’t tell me it’s your little cookery class experiment.”

“Yep. God’s will rise, empires will fall, but I bet around two thousand and ninety nine or something, this place will still smell great.”

“What dinged?”

“The oven. Rest of my slices are done. Coleslaws yours.”

“You ain’t even touched the mustard yet.”

“Just keep your hands over the peanut butter where I can see them and everything will be fine. MmmmmMMMM! Fresh from the oven.”

“And probably a week old.”

“Two actually but they were in the freezer.”

“And your giving this to Shadow?”

“Hey, are you stealing my cheese?”

“It’s my kitchen too, Iron Chef.”

“Jerk. You must be pregnant or something.”

“In a few seconds I’ll be a jerk and satisfied. Oh by the way…yoink.”

“My pizza!”

“It’s just one slice. Mmm. One good slice. Pineapple. Score.”

“Don’t forget your coleslaw. Jerk.”

“I won’t. And you’re a fine one to call me pregnant with this little five way heart attack you got going on here.”

“This is genius. That is mulch. Peanut buttered coleslaw mulch. On rye.”

“I know what I like.”

“Your even splitting it in two. Don’t…! Oh great.”

“So it splashed out a little.”

“You realise I’m going to have to clean that up, don’t you? No way is Splinter letting me not clean that.”

“Get Klunk to lick it or something. And gimme another slice.”

“Parasite.”

“Get on with your heart attack Barbara Streisand.”

“I don’t even know what that means.”

“Then look it up. Mmmf…muh? Mmphhh! Gihhh..****!”

“What?”

“It had some of your stupid mustard on it. Damn, it’s all over my sandwich now!”

“Hey careful with that! Your gonna…oh terrific.”

“What?”

“Nice going Mr smooth. You got peanut butter all over my pickles.”

“Why I oughtta hey, that ain’t half bad.”

“Huh?”

“Mustard and pizza. With peanut butter and coleslaw. Who’da thunk?”

“Well…I guess if it works for the psycho…”

“What did you just call me?”

“Quite, operation in progress here. Mmm…huh, that’s actually pretty great. Peanut butter and pizza. What else can we make?”

“Gimme one of those pickles…hmm, coleslaw and pickles.”

“With peanut butter even.”

“Cool. Let see, pastrami and…”

“Mustard?”

“Go for it.”

“Wow.”

“Huh.”

“Man, we’re on a roll here. Uh…coleslaw and pizza.”

“Weird but, yeah, I’d eat that again.”

“Pickles and…mustard?”

“Let’s not push our luck.”

“Let’s not.”

“Maybe I will stick around for movie night after all.”

“Okay, but we ask if we wanna mix up our stuff.”

“Agreed.”

“And no free sampling.”

“Still gonna use the salt?”

“Of course.”

“No problem.”

[Raven]

Kick ass, you really have a good sense of the characters.

Good thing your working on Ultimate Ninja Turtles

[MadPirateBunny]

-leaves candied hearts and a silver plated mace-

[Garou]

That was great reading - except for the small fact that you made me crave for weird pizza Now I'm starting to get hungry, though I doubt I would try peanut butter on mine...

[Spawn Guy]

“I’m not going to do it Raph.”

“You haven’t told me why yet.”

“Yes I have.”

“No you haven’t.”

“Oh, is this your new thing now? Repeating yourself?”

“I wouldn’t have to if ya just told why you won’t do it.”

“I told you.”

“No you didn’t.”

“Raph…”

“Don, if you give me any more of this crap…”

“Oh save it for Mikey. What do you want them for anyway?”

“I told you.”

“No you didn’t.”

“Hypocrite.”

“And onto name calling we go. Yes, you told me that a set of turbine engines strapped to your bike would make it go faster, but you didn’t tell me what you really wanted them for.”

“That’s because it ain’t none of your business.”

“Ain’t isn’t a word.”

“You want I should try not being subtle?”

“Oh good lord…”

“You still haven’t told me why your not gonna do it.”

“Among other things? Those things would be enormous.”

“So?”

“If, by some miracle, you could move your bike, it’d collapse on top of you.”

“We’ve survived enough cave-ins in our time.”

“We’ve never had a bike with giant turbine engines fall on us, and I spent enough time bandaging life threatening wounds from the last time you went off on one of your insane crusade things.”

“What was so wrong with last time?”

“Oh come on!”

“What?”

“You went walking through Central Park! At night!”

“So?”

“You were almost mugged!”

“Hey, they caught my by surprise.”

“They tried to mug you by breaking a baseball bat over your head!”

“I’m still standing ain’t I?”

“Only because according to you, your fedora got in the way! Which by the way must mean it’s pretty goddamn thick.”

“Padding.”

“What?”

“Padding.”

“You padded your hat?”

“Worked didn’t it?”

“What for?”

“How often do we randomly get beaten over the head by random idiots?”

“I’ve had to many concussions to keep count. So, what did you pad it with?”

“Kevlar.”

“Let me make sure I understand this. You walk around all day…”

“You know it don’t work like that.”

“All night…”

“Not all night!”

“…with a kevlar reinforced fedora?”

“Yeah.”

“Well that explains a lot.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Your essential…youness. And why you would let muggers beat you over the head in Central Park. At night. While wearing your kevlar reinforced fedora.”

“Still kicked their asses.”

“Not they way I heard it.”

“So one of them turned out to be a meta.”

“A meta with metal skin. I know that because I spent all night examining how you nearly tore open your knuckles from pounding on him.”

“Still kicked his ass.”

“Only after he beat you down and ran away before the cops showed up.”

“ I still tracked him down and kicked his ass.”

“You set the place on fire!”

“Hey, that ain’t my fault. Maybe I followed him and his punk friends to their warehouse hide out, maybe I found out they were involved in some low scale weapons dealing and maybe, just maybe, a fuse box happened to get a sai through it, but I digress. I still kicked his shiny metal ass.”

“The building blew up and fired the both of you out through a wall!"

“If you wanna get technical.”

“You were unconscious!”

“So was he.”

“He landed on you!”

“I could still take him.”

“The cops almost caught you! If Leo hadn’t found you…”

“I could have gotten outta there on my own.”

“Again, you were unconscious!”

“Still kicked his ass.”

[Spawn Guy]

“I’m not doing this anymore.”

“No, but I’ll tell you what your gonna do. Your gonna stick those engines on my bike.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because it‘s dangerous. Anyway, how would you control the thing? Do you know how powerful those things are?”

“Yeah, which is why I want them.”

“I should have known. I’m an intelligent person. Why do I get involved in these things?”

“Because yer naturally curious.”

“What?”

“That’s how you smart people work.”

“No I don’t!”

“Don’t you mean ‘We?”

“Freaking me out isn’t going to get me to build those engines. I warn you, I am unfreakable. As unfreakable as a kevlar fedora.”

“Now. But how long till you wanna know why I really want those engines?”

“Why?”

“Hey, you work fast.”

“Maybe if you tell me, I’ll build them.”

“No you won’t.”

“Your right. I won’t. Ha! That’s the sound of your plan’s turbine engine back firing.”

“Or taking off.”

“Just what are you implying?”

“That your naturally curious.”

“I’d take that as a compliment and put it on my résumé when I apply for Harvard, but that insidious smirk of yours tells me your up to something.”

“You wanna to know.”

“Want to know what?”

“You wanna know what I’m up to.”

“I know what your up to. Your trying to crush yourself under the turbine engines of your bike. Will you be wearing your reinforced fedora or will your skull suffice?”

“I told you why I want those engines.”

“No you didn’t.”

“Right, because that dosen’t work for you.”

“Okay, I don’t know why I’m asking, but why do you want those engines?”

“Why do you think?”

“Huh?”

“You gotta have some ideas.”

“A…couple, yeah.”

“Right. Because your curious. And I’m gonna leave it dangling there right in front of ya. And your gonna go nuts.”

“I will not! I’m unfreakable!”

“Unfreakable ain’t a word.”

“Your trying to give me a tumour. That’s what those engines are for. Your gonna drive me to insanity to build those engines for you, then sell my carcass to science so you can by kevlar padding for your skull!”

“Right. Because your naturally curious to my reasoning.”

Which is?”

“Not good enough for ya.”

“Oh, so suddenly your reasoning is better than mine?”

“No, I mean it can’t be that simple to you. Everything has to be this big bad mystery that you can unwind and everyone can look at big bad brainy Donny, the smart one. How damn arrogant are you?”

“What?”

“You heard me!”

“Arrogant? Me?!”

“Yeah. Sometimes you live in this world where if you don’t get it, it can’t be done. If you don’t know it can’t be known, and that’s just a fact you know and assume everyone else knows! And you don’t have to explain anything to any body because your reasoning is so much better! Nothing in your world can be that simple, because if I want you to tune up my damn bike it can’t be because I want to go faster because that way I feel the speed and the wind and know I’m more alive than I would be if I just spent all day down there with you guys in that tiny freaking lair!”

“Raph…”

“So yeah, your damn arrogant sometimes, and I don’t gotta take that!”

“But I have to take yours?!”

“You got something to say?!”

“Damn right! How dare you judge me when every night you act like you’d rather be out there trying to get yourself killed than be with us! Yeah, maybe I do live in my own world, but who the hell are you to tell me that when you have no problem shoving your world down my throat?! If I live in my own world that is because I like things to make sense! That way I can work, not just in the lab but in the real world, and when I fully understand something it’s like you on that damn bike! I feel alive, I get something! There’s so much I can know, so much I can understand, but if I don’t do that then I can’t be me just like I know you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t get out of the lair sometimes and just did what ever the hell you do!”

“Feel better?”

“I hate you.”

“I know you do.”

“Thanks.”

“Quite the pair huh?”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“Don’t be. One thing you learn in my world is that it ain’t healthy to be unfreakable all the time. Just gotta make sure people aren’t around when ya let it out.”

“The price of pride is arrogance.”

“You quoting someone?”

“Actually I better write that down. Look, sometimes, yeah, I do go off and live in this little world, but as a scientist if I don’t follow my own reasons about how something works then I can’t know what’s possible or what’s impossible. That requires a certain level of…narrow mindedness. That way I can better keep an open mind.”

“Irony’s a bitch, huh?”

“You’d know right?”

“Try taking it out on yerself so you don’t take it out on the people you care about.”

“Better metas in Central Park than our skulls, I guess.”

“Yeah. Better knowing things make sense in your world than knowing the whole worlds gone nuts. And for the record ya weren’t far off.”

“Huh?”

“I got more than one reason for wanting those turbines on my bike.”

“This should be good.”

“If you could fix them to my bike, maybe you could fix a couple onto the car.”

“Yeah…about that…”

“Leo torpedoed it?”

“If we can’t get it past him, we’ll never get it past Splinter.”

“Yeah we will.”

“How?”

“I argued the smart one down didn’t I?”

“Feeling up to the challenge?”

“Always am.”

“I’ll be right behind you.”

“Thanks.”

“By about a couple of hundred miles.”

“Screw you.”

“Hey, I don’t like Master Splinter’s walking stick upside my head and, more to the point, I’ve seen you drive.”

“If I could ride a bike with turbine engines, I can drive a car with turbine engines.”

“With blacked out windows.”

“Huh?”

Nothing. Although, I have to say I think your overcompensating for something.”

“Hey, chicks dig the car.”

“Why do we even own that movie?”

“Mikey won’t dump it. Says it completes the set.”

“Do you know he wanted me to put missiles into this thing?”

“And I’m overcompensating?”

“Chicks dig rocket launching cars.”

“Ha! Yeah. Guess that’s what the air bags in the Battle Shell are for.”

“Funny story…”

[Kunoichi_Haruko]

:busts her gut laughing: Oh man am I loving this! Awesome dialogue, Spawn Guy! More please!

[Sewer Bull]

Originally Posted by Spawn Guy

“If you could fix them to my bike, maybe you could fix a couple onto the car.”

“Yeah…about that…”

“Leo torpedoed it?”

Aha! So, there's a plot connecting all these titbits!

Good job, mate. You're seriously one fine dialogist.

[Spawn Guy]

Some of them are going to be random conversations, but the car is going to play a part if this goes any further.

[Spawn Guy]

“What are you doing?”

“Whoa! Leo, don’t do that! Why does everyone do that?”

“Do what?”

“That!”

“Okay…sorry, I think.”

“Meh.”

“So what are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

“It looks like your laying on the couch.”

“Yeah.”

“Upside down.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“Yeah.”

“Fine.”

“Go ahead.”

“What?”

“Ask me.”

“Ask you?”

“Why I’m doing this. Laying on the couch upside down watching TV.”

“I’d like to avoid stepping into that trap, thank you.”

“Your no fun anymore, you know that, don‘t you?”

“I try.”

“Hey, was that a joke?”

“Very funny. Come on, get back up. I’m getting dizzy just looking at you.”

“And with that single burst of uninspired humour, Michelangelo knew that war had been declared.”

“Want to see me back it up?”

“Why Raphael, what ever are you doing dressed as my other darling brother Leonardo?”

“Do you know how much blood is probably flooding into your head right now?”

“I’ll ask Don. We made a bet I couldn’t make it past an hour.”

“Is that what this is all about? Your going to drown your brain for five dollars?”

“Five dollars and some alone time with World of Warcraft thank you very much.”

“I give up.”

“And that’s the award wining attitude that got you where you are today, leader, inspiration, heart, soul and right kidney of the world’s most fearsome fighting team.”

“Right kidney?”

“Actually, Y’know what? Your right. Right kidney sounds like right hand man, which is a secondary leading position. You should be the left kidney. But no one ever listens to the left kidney. ”

“Will, you please just get right side up?”

“You tease, you! I hope you make it worth my while.”

“Give the incest a rest.”

“Nice use of rhyme scheme, but it’s soured by the slight hint of irritation.”

“Can you blame me?”

“No, only encourage you. It’s not healthy to keep all that stuff inside. I mean, look at Raph. Or don’t, ever since that whole night in Central Park thing he’s looked like the inside of Klunk’s litter box.”

“I know what shape he was in Mikey, I was the one who found him. I spent months tracking down those Purple Dragon wannabes, and he ends up blowing all that surveillance to hell because of some beef with their meta human back up.”

“And, he made you miss movie night.”

“Among other things.”

“Shadow says hi by the way. Wants to get a special call form Unca Leo.”

“Seriously?”

“Does this look like the face of a kidder?”

“Smeared with cheese and what appears to be mustard? Yes.”

“Peanut butter actually. Okay hold on…how ‘bout now?”

“It’s not that big an improvement.”

“You wound me.”

“I think it’s the little chunks of pickles in your teeth that ruin the effect.”

“Seriously?”

“Actually no, that was just to get your attention.”

“Oh.”

“There on your cheeks.”

“Eew!”

“Cheese gets to liquefy itself onto your face, but a few equally disgusting chunks of pickle and you freak out.”

“That’s because they’re not equally disgusting. Pickle face is about a nine point five.”

“I can’t believe we were brought up together.”

“That’s what she said!”

“That dosen’t make any sense.”

“So’s your face.”

“What?”

“Hey Leo, when you get out from under that rock, watch some Scrubs and join the countless masses on the internet who’ll get that joke.”

“No thanks. I value my IQ.”

“Someone’s on a roll tonight. Anyway, I’m serious about that call thing. When you have a second to stop teaching those who do not fear justice to fear the night, go ahead. She’d love to know how your getting on.”

“I’m going to get in a little practice first, then I’ll get onto it. What time is it.”

“I dunno.”

“How long have you been there?”

“When to hedgehogs stop hibernating?”

“Don’t quote Douglas Adams at me.”

“How do you even know who Douglas Adams is? You never struck me as a hitchhiker reader.”

“I glanced through it once.”

[Spawn Guy]

“So do you think the movie sucked and will ignore the fact he wanted to take a live action big screen version in that direction so you can say it sucked because it didn’t stay true to the books, ignoring at the same time the books don’t stay true to the original radio drama, so you can continue to say it sucked and get a smug sense of self satisfaction by saying it sucked?”

“Don’t know, don’t care.”

“Ooh, and the blue ball buster from America’s heartland of Mexico comes out swinging!”

“Can’t believe you don’t know what time it is.”

“I had stuff to do!”

“Like what?”

“Wait for the Late Show to come on.”

“When was this?”

“’Bout an hour after practice.”

“You’ve been in front of this TV the entire day?”

“Darling, it’s me.”

“Yeah, now I know why your such a world class ninja.”

“And to think I didn’t have to watch my parents get murdered in front of my eyes and travel the world to acquire the means to strike fear into the superstitious and cowardly.”

“That’s not funny.”

“Is from here.”

“You know what happened to Master Yoshi.”

“Huh?”

“It’s a similar story. And it’s not funny.”

“Leo…you know I didn’t mean it like that…”

“I know, I just…don’t like thinking about stuff like that. It’s not funny.”

“Okay, no more caped crusader jokes.”

“That’s just…”

“Jeez, unclench man!”

“Sorry.”

“Me to. Here, have a MFPS.”

“A what?”

“A Mikey’s Fantasmagorical Pizza Sandwich.”

“What in God’s name have you done this time?”

“Hey, Raph had a hand in it to. Try it, it‘s got coleslaw.”

“And cheese I see.”

“Oh yeah.”

“And pickles.”

“You can put them on anything. They go great with mustard.”

“On pizza.”

“I know, I was surprised to, but there you go. Once again, pizza conquers all.”

“On rye bread.”

“Well if it was just any bread it wouldn’t be a sandwich.”

"And you were eating that while hanging upside down and letting the blood rush to your head?”

“Pretty much, yes.”

“Since when do you watch the Late Show?”

“Y’know, I am far more cultured than you guys give me credit for. I like Letterman’s brand of journalistic humour and his in-depth analysis of the wealthy and successful of the entertainment industry.”

“Okay.”

“Thank you.”

“So why are you really watching?"

“I heard on the internet, that David Letterman has a tiny third nipple concealed inside his left nostril, and that if you look at the TV upside down while watching the Late Show, you can totally see it.”

“It figures. Any excuse.”

“You’d know right?”

“Huh?”

“Didn’t take much for you to roll in on here and start criticizing me.”

“You were upside down.”

“So you don’t discriminate against position. Good for you. But enough with trying to call me out or whatever it is your doing.”

“Mike…”

“Look, Leo, bro, it’s cool that your like this super cool major ass kicker ninja guy…but that’s not how it has to be all the time. I mean, look, my lifestyle may clash with yours, but so what? Raph hijacks the remote every time wrestling and Star Trek are on at the same time. Don takes up all the power trying to get his crazy experiments to run, leaving me stuck down here with you guys because I can’t read web comics or chat with people on The Kryptonian.”

“The what?”

“It’s a website. Totally awesome. I talk to people there all the time.”

“When you should be practicing.”

“When I could be practising. See, there you go again. Leo, to you been a ninja is a lifestyle. To me it’s a choice.”

“Sometimes there is no choice.”

“So when I have the opportunity, I shouldn’t make one?”

“I just…like things to work. In practice…it’s sort of like taking control of a battle. And before you say anything, I know that’s not how it works. I know. It’s just…sometimes if I’m not careful I start to see that in real life. Like watching TV and stuff. For example, you hanging upside down with that…pizza sandwich thing half way down your throat. What if you’d fallen and cracked your skull? And suppose no one was around? Suppose I couldn’t do anything to save you?”

“Wow.”

“Yeah. Not fun. I sometimes whish I could do what you do.”

“Huh?”

“Just…I don’t know. Relax the whole way.”

“Y’know…I think about that stuff to. Guess it comes with the ninja territory.”

“Yeah. Although…”

“Yeah?”

“You could do to take it more seriously.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, sorry. Look, you’re a great ninja. You could kick as much ass as anyone. Hell, you act as weird and crazy and scatter brained as you do…”

“Oh gee, such the silver tongue…”

“…yet you wield one of the most deadly kinds of martial arts weapons there is. But part of being a ninja is being disciplined. And sometimes, as much as I‘m the stuck up task master, you’re the lazy goof bag.”

“Goof bag?”

“I think your rubbing off on me.”

“Heh, yeah. Look, neither of us is going to change. I mean, I don’t want you to. I love having a super cool major ass kicker ninja big brother.”

“Yeah. And I love you, you goof bag. I just whish I could understand you a little better.”

“Y’know…first journey begins with a single step.”

“You been pay attention in lessons now?”

“Ha! Maybe I could make a little more effort if I have a good enough role model…”

“That an invitation?”

“Maybe. Here, have a MFPS.”

“And after that…practice.”

“Okay.”

“Then…we talk to Shadow.”

“Y’know, this could be the start of a beautiful brothership.”

“You made that up.”

“Quiet, Letterman’s on.”

“You be quiet goof bag.”

[hazlov2004]

hehe i read this i had a smile on my face i like it!!!!!!!!!!

[MadPirateBunny]

Just when I think I can't love you more....