Woman spills the beans on her addiction to married men

*Sage Ninja* · 03-23-2012, 06:01 PM

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ethlie...6pLid%3D143781

Quote:

As an expert on unhealthy relationships (and isn't that what we all aspire to be when we grow up?), I was recently asked to comment on what might have motivated the assorted Mrs. Gingriches to have an affair with a married man in the first place. After all, while Wife #3 might have held out hope that he would leave Wife #2 for her -- he had a track record by then -- Wife #2 had no reason to expect that. For all we know, she was gobsmacked when Newt said he was leaving cancer-stricken Wife #1 for her.

Like a woman I know moaned to me when her own married lover filed for divorce, "What part of 'unavailable' doesn't he understand?" Now that he was actually leaving his wife, things got a little more serious -- and a lot less sexy. I've seen Newt Gingrich. His unavailability was his most attractive quality.

Married men are catnip to some women. Perfectly nice women, women who really don't notice that their actions are harming another woman, or a family, or even their lover himself. Usually the only person they realize they are hurting is them, by denying themselves a fully-rounded relationship with an actual future. Perfectly nice women like, once upon a time, me.

When I was a practicing love addict, married men were my drug of choice. Affairs are goldmines of drama, and there's nothing a junkie likes more than drama. It masquerades so easily as feeling. A wedding ring can turn a certified public accountant into a motorcycle outlaw. You have to -- get to! -- keep secrets and tell lies. Suddenly, your life is filled with all the intrigue and mystery of a spy novel. You meet under false names wearing a floppy hat: "I am Natasha, and I am naked under ziz trenchcoat."

Yes, married men are like artists or CIA agents or vampires -- relationships with them are almost always doomed. But beautifully, romantically doomed, or so it seemed, and that, of course, was the point. Deep down, I was terrified of actual intimacy. The illusion of story-book romance trumps the reality of "What are having for dinner tonight, honey?" every time. There's no arguing over the utility bills, or the kids' bedtimes, or which in-laws to spend Thanksgiving with. No, those duties belong to the wife. You get to model the silk lingerie. Which sounds like more fun to you? I suspect it's a lot like the reason grandparents love spending time with their grandkids; when they get carsick, they just give them back.

The next great thing about married men: They are incredibly affectionate and forthcoming about their feelings. They can adore you unreservedly, because they have no fear of commitment to get in the way. They are, after all, already committed. To someone else. Your married boyfriend will tell you he adores you, can't live without you and will die if you leave him every morning upon awakening. That is, if he ever spends the night. Otherwise, he says it as he kisses you goodbye and rides off into the darkness. He can propose to you during every whispered phone call, because you can't actually take him up on it. It's just a another fantasy, like the trenchcoat scenario.

Third, seeing married or otherwise unattainable men (gay guys, for example) is a way women with zero self esteem create a self-fulfilling prophecy. You don't genuinely believe you deserve someone in your life -- guess what? You don't have to worry about that any more. The marriage bonus is that if you can snag some other woman's man, even for a little while, you can tell yourself that you must at least be better than she is. And this was a woman desirable enough to get a cool guy to marry her in the first place. Advantage, you.

The "relationship" itself is a total fiction, but who doesn't like a good romance novel? When you're not in rom-com fantasyland, you get to dwell in Shakespearean tragedy. We are Romeo and Juliet, forever being kept apart by the evil, never mentioned Mrs. Romeo. If only he had met you first! You two were destined to be together, had not cruel reality intervened! You're the pitiful plaything of heartless fate! There are at least two poems and a song lyric in any decent extramarital affair. Also, a blog post.

I do not deny the appeal of affairs with married men. They no longer stir the same delusions in me, however. As with a number of other intoxicating behaviors, I have become too cognizant of the inevitable hangover. Also, you could end up with a Newt Gingrich. Now, that would be tragic.

Wow, this writer here is a class act. I just love the level of self important arrogance and narcissm this lady has about her views on married men.

What gets me is that there really are women like this who seem to get a thrill out of going after married men. I had a "friend" who said she loved the boast to her sexiness going after a married man gave her, because her sex appeal was good enough to get a man who married someone esle to look at her. I've met alot of girls like this. What the hell?

I have a few guy friends who are married and they said that now that they are married they get hit on my women more so than when they are single. This is so bizzar. Whats wrong with these women? And why the hell did this writer bring up Newt Gingrich so much?

**Jester** · 03-23-2012, 06:19 PM

Because it's a Huffington Post piece, and it's also meant to be a subtle hit piece on Gingrich...maybe? I really don't know, but as much flack as Fox News gets for being far-right leaning HuffPo is the same only far-left.

*oldmanwinters* · 03-23-2012, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jester

Because it's a Huffington Post piece, and it's also meant to be a subtle hit piece on Gingrich...maybe? I really don't know, but as much flack as Fox News gets for being far-right leaning HuffPo is the same only far-left.

I guess if you read them both, then you'll have a shot at being legitimately "fair and balanced" ?

*BubblyShell22* · 03-23-2012, 08:00 PM

This article is so disturbing. Why would any woman want to do this anyway? The woman in this article is very arrogant and self-assured. Ugh.

*KROW* · 03-26-2012, 10:22 AM

*Hannah* · 03-26-2012, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jester

Because it's a Huffington Post piece, and it's also meant to be a subtle hit piece on Gingrich...maybe? I really don't know, but as much flack as Fox News gets for being far-right leaning HuffPo is the same only far-left.

Oh yeah. Same exact thing.

NameGoesHere1066 · 03-26-2012, 12:25 PM

this kind of hits close to home because my father had an affair with another woman and left my mom for her. However it wasn't a sleazy sordid kind of situation where my dad was a dog, the sad painful thing is that he never intended to cheat on my mom and really was a very loving devoted husband to my mom, until he met someone else. The thing is he genuanly fell in love with another woman and fell out of love with my mom. It wasn't about sex and he never went looking for another woman it just happened. You would think that it would make the situation not as bad but having your husband fall in love with someone else is actually worse than just wanting kinky sex with some slutty waitress at a truckstop diner.

My mother was completely blindsided because she never saw it coming and thought he loved her, but one day he came to her and said he wanted a divorce because he was in love with someone else. It shocked me and my older brother because I remember my parents being very loving and sweet with each other and everyone said how close of a marriage it was. My parents grew up next to each other and married out of High School. My mother told me my father was her only boyfriend. Whats sad is that it was a split up my mother did not want but my father had made up his mind that he wanted to marry the other woman, who he met over seas. My older brother, who was older knows more about it than I do. I was only six when all this happened, but apparently my older brother would evesdrop on my parents and told me. It's interesting you get two versions here. My older brother is sharp and I belive the things he over heard are accurate, my father was at least decent enough not to sleep with this woman while still married to my mom, and it was more of an emotional affair. I'm not sure what to make of that.

All I know is that form age six on I grew up without a father, till this day I only see him twice a year. Whether that is his choice or my mothers I'm not sure. I even have half siblings I never knew about until about a year ago. My mom's dignified about it though she never taught us to resent my father or even hate the woman he left us for. Though my mom did confess that she was too proud to take money my father offered to help support us which made life more difficult for us growing up. The reason my brothers and I don't money set aside to go to school is because my mom refused to take my fathers money. My mom says she really regrets that because she feels she cheated us. Whats really messed up is that I know my mother still loves my father and never got involved with anyone else because of it. I think this is the only thing I look down on my mother for, because otherwise I think she is a very strong independant woman.

As to affairs, I feel disgust when I hear how careless some people can be about it--who do they think they are? Even "emotional affairs" are evil. I don't know what goes through the mind of people who do this I don't know what went through the head of the woman my dad left his family for, did she know my dad was married with young kids did she care? I don't even know her name or what she looks like. And my dad, he is always potrayed as someone who was decent but how decent is he that he was selfish enough to tell my mother he didn't want to be married to her any more because he wanted to marry someone else? He said he loved my mom once, well it wasn't strong enough to keep him from breaking her heart just so he can pursue his own happiness. I know people take marriage with a grain of salt now but he made vows to her first.

*Katie* · 03-26-2012, 06:34 PM

If you're dating someone who is already in a relationship, you're an idiot.

Think about it. If that person is willing to cheat on their current partner with you, what stops them from cheating on you with the next better thing. So you live paranoid? Or become satisfied knowing you'll never be the one?

F#ck that.

Have a little respect for yourself.

**Jester** · 03-26-2012, 06:36 PM

My mom always said that: If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you.

Words to live by.

*BubblyShell22* · 03-27-2012, 09:18 AM

As the saying goes, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." There's no guarantee that if a guy cheats on his wife for you that he'll stay with you as well. I agree with Katie here. People need to respect themselves a bit more and use common sense.

*Anarchistguy* · 03-29-2012, 09:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BubblyShell22

As the saying goes, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." There's no guarantee that if a guy cheats on his wife for you that he'll stay with you as well. I agree with Katie here. People need to respect themselves a bit more and use common sense.

That's true, but sadly, love and common sense do not mix...

*BubblyShell22* · 03-29-2012, 07:26 PM

Yes, and it's sometimes sad when it comes down to that.

*Sage Ninja* · 03-30-2012, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katie

If you're dating someone who is already in a relationship, you're an idiot.

Think about it. If that person is willing to cheat on their current partner with you, what stops them from cheating on you with the next better thing. So you live paranoid? Or become satisfied knowing you'll never be the one?

F#ck that.

Have a little respect for yourself.

no one has any respect for themselves any more. There is too much of this "I want it so I'm going to take it" mentality now adays. It disgusts me. I would like to say that the low lives that come on Jerry Springer are just a minority but I see people who act like that with no regard for other people and their relationships.

*BubblyShell22* · 03-31-2012, 08:21 AM

Exactly, and that's why people suck so much. They want what they can't have, so they decide to just take it anyway regardless of the consequences.

03-23-2012, 08:00 PM	#4
BubblyShell22 Leo-holic Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Indiana Posts: 16,912	This article is so disturbing. Why would any woman want to do this anyway? The woman in this article is very arrogant and self-assured. Ugh. __________________ "A warrior who never fails, never learns."-The Ancient One. "Embrace your inner a**holiness."-Mr. Anderson.

03-26-2012, 10:22 AM	#5
KROW Meat-n-Potatoes Man Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: State's Anus, NY Posts: 6,472	__________________ - Optimus Acid Trip - Cult of a Half-Shell - Raiden's Bitter Tongue - *I don't try to be funny; I fail at it naturally.*

03-26-2012, 12:25 PM	#7
NameGoesHere1066 Stone Warrior Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: at home LOL Posts: 957	this kind of hits close to home because my father had an affair with another woman and left my mom for her. However it wasn't a sleazy sordid kind of situation where my dad was a dog, the sad painful thing is that he never intended to cheat on my mom and really was a very loving devoted husband to my mom, until he met someone else. The thing is he genuanly fell in love with another woman and fell out of love with my mom. It wasn't about sex and he never went looking for another woman it just happened. You would think that it would make the situation not as bad but having your husband fall in love with someone else is actually worse than just wanting kinky sex with some slutty waitress at a truckstop diner. My mother was completely blindsided because she never saw it coming and thought he loved her, but one day he came to her and said he wanted a divorce because he was in love with someone else. It shocked me and my older brother because I remember my parents being very loving and sweet with each other and everyone said how close of a marriage it was. My parents grew up next to each other and married out of High School. My mother told me my father was her only boyfriend. Whats sad is that it was a split up my mother did not want but my father had made up his mind that he wanted to marry the other woman, who he met over seas. My older brother, who was older knows more about it than I do. I was only six when all this happened, but apparently my older brother would evesdrop on my parents and told me. It's interesting you get two versions here. My older brother is sharp and I belive the things he over heard are accurate, my father was at least decent enough not to sleep with this woman while still married to my mom, and it was more of an emotional affair. I'm not sure what to make of that. All I know is that form age six on I grew up without a father, till this day I only see him twice a year. Whether that is his choice or my mothers I'm not sure. I even have half siblings I never knew about until about a year ago. My mom's dignified about it though she never taught us to resent my father or even hate the woman he left us for. Though my mom did confess that she was too proud to take money my father offered to help support us which made life more difficult for us growing up. The reason my brothers and I don't money set aside to go to school is because my mom refused to take my fathers money. My mom says she really regrets that because she feels she cheated us. Whats really messed up is that I know my mother still loves my father and never got involved with anyone else because of it. I think this is the only thing I look down on my mother for, because otherwise I think she is a very strong independant woman. As to affairs, I feel disgust when I hear how careless some people can be about it--who do they think they are? Even "emotional affairs" are evil. I don't know what goes through the mind of people who do this I don't know what went through the head of the woman my dad left his family for, did she know my dad was married with young kids did she care? I don't even know her name or what she looks like. And my dad, he is always potrayed as someone who was decent but how decent is he that he was selfish enough to tell my mother he didn't want to be married to her any more because he wanted to marry someone else? He said he loved my mom once, well it wasn't strong enough to keep him from breaking her heart just so he can pursue his own happiness. I know people take marriage with a grain of salt now but he made vows to her first. __________________ ]

03-26-2012, 06:34 PM	#8
Katie Just...way too serious. Join Date: May 2005 Location: purgatory Posts: 3,519	If you're dating someone who is already in a relationship, you're an idiot. Think about it. If that person is willing to cheat on their current partner with you, what stops them from cheating on you with the next better thing. So you live paranoid? Or become satisfied knowing you'll never be the one? F#ck that. Have a little respect for yourself. __________________ THE WORLD IS JUST AWESOME

03-26-2012, 06:36 PM	#9
Jester Rat-faced Dude-guy Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Arkansas Posts: 26,300	My mom always said that: If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you. Words to live by. __________________ "Clearly, you're Ninja Turtling incorrectly." - Leo656

03-23-2012, 06:19 PM	#2
Jester Rat-faced Dude-guy Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Arkansas Posts: 26,300	Because it's a Huffington Post piece, and it's also meant to be a subtle hit piece on Gingrich...maybe? I really don't know, but as much flack as Fox News gets for being far-right leaning HuffPo is the same only far-left. __________________ "Clearly, you're Ninja Turtling incorrectly." - Leo656

03-27-2012, 09:18 AM	#10
BubblyShell22 Leo-holic Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Indiana Posts: 16,912	As the saying goes, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." There's no guarantee that if a guy cheats on his wife for you that he'll stay with you as well. I agree with Katie here. People need to respect themselves a bit more and use common sense. __________________ "A warrior who never fails, never learns."-The Ancient One. "Embrace your inner a**holiness."-Mr. Anderson.

03-29-2012, 07:26 PM	#12
BubblyShell22 Leo-holic Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Indiana Posts: 16,912	Yes, and it's sometimes sad when it comes down to that. __________________ "A warrior who never fails, never learns."-The Ancient One. "Embrace your inner a**holiness."-Mr. Anderson.

03-31-2012, 08:21 AM	#14
BubblyShell22 Leo-holic Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Indiana Posts: 16,912	Exactly, and that's why people suck so much. They want what they can't have, so they decide to just take it anyway regardless of the consequences. __________________ "A warrior who never fails, never learns."-The Ancient One. "Embrace your inner a**holiness."-Mr. Anderson.