Wow, thanks for the compliment there Head Bands, that means an awful lot.
And thanks for your feedback as usual J.
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1) I gotta ask was April's journal entry in Chapter 33, supposed to be a nod to the original TMNT movie when April was narrating in the movie when she discussing about each of the Turtles?
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Got it in one there.
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So it finally made sense now with why Leonardo was angsty...
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Sometimes that sort of thing comes to when I'm particularly inspired, other times I avoid it just to rush a chapter out. Not a good idea in principle I know, as it seems I'd rather have the result assessed rather than the effort. I'll try to sprouse up on that area in the closing chapters.
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3) As for Irma and Donatello, the potential kiss seemed a little rushed here. I guess I should consider the length of the story, but there wasn't a warmth between them like Michelangelo and April had. With Michelangelo and April, there was a serious heartfelt moment during the "heavy stuff" conversation, with Donatello and Irma...  it was more or less humorous quipping. I guess I was looking for more of a "foundational principle" (if I'm making sense  ) on what was bonding them together, something more substantial like April and Michelangelo had here to elevate the Donatello-Irma relationship to a more serious romantic level.
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I kind of approached Don/Irma more matter of factly, being that Donatello is a little more logical about things, and Irma is more sheltered than April is and bottles herself up a lot, hiding behind cynacism and regualrity. I feel the subtle little teases hey had over the whole of the story were sufficient enough to justify their near kiss here. Besides, the story isnt over and you're going to get a real baptism of fire for the two coming up
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4) I got to say that your twists on the TMNT elements are unexpected... to say the least. 
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6) The action scene at Ch. 51 stood out, with its detail, especially with Raphael's anger and language. (I didn't mind the language. ) The physical descriptions were fantastic:
...But to give that real fiery spark, if there was a bit more description on Raphael's racing heated emotions, it would have highlighted the bitterness and betrayal here, of knowing that their only home, their "refuge" from the harsh world was ultimately... destroyed. ...Do you see what I mean?
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Perfectly. I can go back in there and add some emphasis if you want.
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It could have displayed the more doting, paternal side of Splinter here.
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I understand what you mean here, I was trying to make Splinter speak as if everyone was of a collective whole, that they were all his sons, and that keeping the components in check exceeded the need to address them individually. I might put something about that in Splinter's next scene in the story actually, thanks for that bit of inspiration
09-25-2013, 05:35 AM
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