[Fanfic] TMNT Movie Script

[ZariusTwo]

Alrighty folks, here the exciting news I promised.

I reckon I have enough of the script completed to the point wher I can actually commence publishing the novelization.

[Blossombrooks]

Excellent news Zarius! I can't wait to read it. Your sig is looking damn cool by the way.

[ZariusTwo]

Originally Posted by Blossombrooks

Excellent news Zarius! I can't wait to read it. Your sig is looking damn cool by the way.

Thanks, I thought it was about time I gave it a polish and give my fic projects some smoother representation. Have to thank you and your talent for making my sig look as polished as it is.

[ZariusTwo]

New sample

Spoiler:

INT: SEWER HUB

(FIRST PERSON POV as Michelangelo's eyes open, he sees the kindly features of April staring back at him ,a wet cloth in her hand, Casey is with her, as are Raphael and Leonardo)

APRIL:
He's stirring

(We CUT TO A GROUP SHOT as Michelangelo awakens)

MICHELANGELO:
What...what happened?

APRIL:
It's alright Mike, you're ok.

MICHELANGELO:
No I'm not.

APRIL:
Can't lie about that one can I?

MICHELANGLO:
The others, what happened to....

RAPHAEL:
Don't worry, we got away.

MICHELANGELO:
How...

RAPHAEL:
Oh you know us...something that took a risk...something that took everyone by surprise

LEONARDO:
They spared us

MICHELANGELO:
...They...spared us? Like...let us go?

RAPHAEL:
...Simple idea isn't it? Put so much little of a fight and stand as little as a chance as possible and you can make even the hardest nail bend to your whims.

(Michelangelo looks around and finds Donatello seated to his right, looking at his laptop computer, Irma is beside him wrapping a bandage over his head)

DONATELLO:
I don't get it. How could our location have leaked like that?

IRMA:
Will you hold still? This gaping hole in your head isn't done leaking either

(The main hatch opens, Bishop and a few guards emerge)

BISHOP:
What the devil is going on here?

RAPHAEL:
Easy on the use of the religious iconagraphy Bishop...we have just been through hell after all

LEONARDO:
We must regroup quickly, and plan as much as we can for the rescue mission ahead

MICHELANGELO:
Rescue mission?


APRIL:
Take a look around. Notice anyone missing?

(Michelangelo gets his bearings and counts how many are there, then stops when he realizes someone of vital importance is missing)

MICHELANGELO:
...Dad.

[BubblyShell22]

Whoa. Awesome sample. Yep, it's not good that Splinter is missing. And I'll be sure to read the novelization over on FF for sure. Nicely done. I'll be eagerly awaiting an update.

[ZariusTwo]

Originally Posted by BubblyShell22

Whoa. Awesome sample. Yep, it's not good that Splinter is missing. And I'll be sure to read the novelization over on FF for sure. Nicely done. I'll be eagerly awaiting an update.

Thanks, I've got about three chapters of the novelization up right now, I hope to add another three tommorow (time permitting, after all, Doctor Who is back tommorow so I'll be glued to the tv and online stuff regarding that)

[Slade]

So I had to read what you had for the novelization first. I love what you have so far. I haven't read the script yet, but I'm going to go back through the thread and do so.

I do have to ask, in chapter 1, was he actually using daggers or was it sais?

And in 3, you have the countdown go from 18 to 19, then in I think the next paragraph it counts from 30 to 28 and later on 18 to 19 again.

Also is Casey swinging the puck or the stick?


Sorry if I sound like I'm nitpicking.

[ZariusTwo]

Originally Posted by Raph_tha_Dude

I do have to ask, in chapter 1, was he actually using daggers or was it sais?

It was sais, but I was trying to go for an outsiders perspective who might not be aware they are called "sais". I actually describe them as "sais" in the script though....maybe I should change it

Whoops on the countdown mess-up. Good catch.

Also is Casey swinging the puck or the stick?

...I'm going to sound really stupid here, but I always assumed those two meant the same thing

Sorry if I sound like I'm nitpicking.

Not at all mate, you're pointing out genuine mistakes I can fix and being quite helpful. It happens a lot with my fics, Bubbly helps out with spelling mistakes and other things too. I don't know if it's got something to do with my mild dyspraxia or not, but I keep having misfires like that. However, I do polish them up once they're pointed out to me (and sometimes I'm able to catch them as well on rereading the stuff)

Glad you like what I have so far. I tried to get three more chapters up last night but Doctor Who got in the way.

[Slade]

Damn you Dr. Who! Nah, but I'm really looking forward to it. Like I said I've got to go back and read the script. Probably today.

I do think it would be more gruesome if Casey was hitting him with the puck!

[ZariusTwo]

Originally Posted by Raph_tha_Dude

Damn you Dr. Who! Nah, but I'm really looking forward to it. Like I said I've got to go back and read the script. Probably today.

Just a heads up, you won't find the full script in here, just samples, and the samples arent neccersarily in the right story order either. The full thing will be released on Deviantart in the summer.

I've managed to upload at least one new chapter of the novel today, so you have that to tie you over.

I do think it would be more gruesome if Casey was hitting him with the puck!

Heh, true, now that I know the difference, I could have really made him one resourceful mofo

[Gokhan]

I like this script

[ZariusTwo]

Thanks, it's always nice to know I'm leaving a good impression

[ZariusTwo]

New sample

Spoiler:

(April and Casey are seen exiting the building, heading into the crammed, noisy “car park”. The two are spotted by a shady man in BLACK GLASSES, with a SPIKED HAIRDO, he swiftly moves away and heads towards a small group of people amassed near a BLACK LAND ROVER.

CASEY:
…Wanna go cruising down the motorway?

APRIL:
Sure my car’s just over…

CASEY:
Forget that jalopy for an hour. I’m taking you on a rough and very real ride

(He leads her towards a nearby MOTORCYCLE, sandwiched in between two cars. It‘s a motorcycle that has seen better days, even some dust remains on the tattered seats)

CASEY:
Found it abandoned outside the garage. Just got it fine tuned yesterday

(Casey is beaming with pride, April, however, cannot help but be perfectly honest)

APRIL:
It looks like crap. Can it go?

CASEY:
Like a dream.

APRIL:
If it doesn’t kill me in the middle of one, I’m good to go.

[ZariusTwo]

New sample (this scene has been posted in the novelization so it's safe to put it here)

Spoiler:

EXT: EASTMAN LEISURE CENTER
DAY

(An establishing shot of the building)

WE SWIFTLY CUT TO:
INT: EASTMAN LEISURE CENTER

(A CLOSE-UP of a MID-THIRTIES MALE, WITH LONG BLACK HAIR, TALL BUILD, REELING BACK IN PAIN, he is reacting to a punch to the face. His Nose is BLOODIED.

This is CASEY JONES, April O’Neil’s boyfriend, engaged in some heavy handed STREET FIGHT taking place on the dangerous, slippery ICE RINK.

As he is pushed back, we hear the ROAR of a FEVERISH CROWD of DEGENERATE OLDER MEN AND WOMEN, all stationed in the seats surrounding the Ice Rink. Their fury held back by the PLEXI-GLASS

Casey takes his time recovering, and his opponent, a MUSCULAR, but FAT BLONDE MALE with a RHINOSAUROUS TATOO, is content to let him recover. He crunches his GLOVED KNUCKLES with pure relish. He spits out some tobacco)

He charges towards Casey,, but he is able to duck clear in time. The muscular man SMASHES HEAD-FIRST into the wall, but, incredibly, isn’t fazed or downed by the impact. Aggravated, he turns around and charges at Casey again, this time, the charge is SUCCESFUL, the young fighter is picked off his feet and both men go tumbling into the HOCKEY BENCHES. The Crowd reacts with an “OOOH”, and then more heckling bombards them.

Casey tries to get up, but his adversary seizes a window and gets on top of him, he scoops Casey’s head up in the heavy palm of his right hand)

MUSCULAR MAN:
Time to start punching the clock JONES

(He begins DEALING BLOW AFTER BLOW TO CASEY WITH HIS LEFT HAND)

.MUSCULAR MAN:
55...54...53

(As he continues reigning down the blows, the young fighter manages to catch a glimpse of a DIGITAL CLOCK HIGH ATOP THE STAGE, COUNTING DOWN FROM 52 SECONDS. The muscular Man, as well as the crowd, are chanting the countdown.

The valiant young fighter, in what could be his last active chance at defiance, HEAD BUTTS the muscular man, he reels back, equally pained by the maverick effort. The countdown continues, the digital clock now reaching 19...18...

The young fighter looks around for something, ANYTHING, to keep his opponent down for the count. He spots a SPORTS BAG containing a HOCKEY MASK and a STICK Thinking fast, he grabs the mask and stick. He places the mask on his face and swings the hockey stick around

CASEY JONES:
Alright

(The crowd continues to chant the ominous countdown. On the Digital clock high above the rink, we are now down to 31..30...29...

Casey stands up, his face now bears protection, and he arms himself with the stick. The muscular man stands up, cracks his knuckles again. He moves forward, Casey cautions him with the puck, his opponent laughs)

MUSCULAR MAN:
This ain't Friday the 14th Jason Voorhees

CASEY JONES:
13th. It’s the 13th you useless ****

MUSCULAR MAN:
14...13...doesn’t matter. You aint lasting THOSE kinda seconds with me

CASEY JONES:
Kinda like all your girlfriends right…come late to the party don’t cha?

(This upsets the Muscular Man. BIG TIME. He starts swinging PUNCHES, some CONENECT to Casey’s face, his hockey mask shields him from the brunt of the blows .Casey retaliates, swinging the stick into his opponent, he reels back, but doesn’t fall. Casey swings again, this time THRUSTING THE STICK INTO HIS FOES’ CHEST the man smiles and grabs Casey with both hands, gripping him in a tight BEAR HUG. The crowd and the clock are now down to 20 seconds…19.…18.

Almost out of time, Casey looks somewhere to score a critical hit. He finds it. He KNEES HIS OPPONENT IN THE GROIN. The man howls, he lets go. Casey hoists the puck above his head and brings it down on the back of his foe. Another hit, AND Another. The man is floored, he turns his body around, his face is met with a thunderous barrage of hits from a hockey puck Casey has found, fourteen hits follow in succession, all in retaliation for busting up Casey’s nose. The clock is down to 10...9...8...)

CROWD:
…7...6...5...4..

(Casey finishes off his adversary with a fifteenth, devastating STRIKE TO HIS HEAD, and drops the puck as the Digital Clock, and the sheepish crowd, finally get to ZERO

There is an UPROAR from the feverish crowd, who have gotten their money’s worth. A LANKY MAN in a BLACK SHIRT raises Casey’s hand in victory. AN ANNOUNCER addresses the audience)

ANNOUNCER:
THE WINNER OF THE BOUT…CASEY JONES!

[ZariusTwo]

New sample

Spoiler:

DONATELLO:
Maxwell, I need to patch into your network, is that ok?

MAXWELL:
Whatever for?

IRMA:
He needs patching up in the head. Get a doctor to look at it before you use that noggin for anything else

DONATELLO:
Look, I'm fine Irma, you don't need to molly-coddle me

IRMA:
You think I like seeing you like this?

DONATELLO:
You...like...seeing me.?

(Irma takes her glasses off to dry her eyes as she gets slightly emotional)

IRMA:
Of course I do. You're brave and so smart, so knowledgeable about the way things work, I envy that about you, and you make me laugh, usually the only person that can do that is me 'cause nobody gives me the time...except April...and now...

(Donatello reaches out to her and gently and tenderly strokes his right hand on her right cheek)

DONATELLO:
Tears like that tell me a lot of things. It's more than a "like" isn't it? Much more


IRMA:
..Oh it's a dream. A silly comic book wish-fulfillment fantasy.

DONATELLO:
Doesn't have to be.

IRMA:
I'm a realist.

DONATELLO:
I'm an optimist. That's the only way any progress gets made

IRMA:
...It wouldn't work. Just wouldn't. This world...it's all too black and white.

DONATELLO:
And yet all I've ever seen with you is living color

(they move closer to each other, their lips almost connecting, when Donatello spots Maxwell still standing there)

MAXWELL:
..You were saying something about the network?

(Donatello composes himself)

DONATELLO:
Yes, yes of course Maxwell

(Irma clicks her fingers in annoyance and quickly puts her glasses back on)

[Blossombrooks]

Awww!! Poor Irma you thwarted her fantasy! That is a really cute scene.

[Refractive Reflections]

Hey Zarius,

I just reviewed the first 5 chapters so far, and it's doing well so far. I can definitely see the T rated portions of this story (the language, Casey's baby mama drama, and Shredder skewering Bebop's shoulder). It's making me a bit curious as to just how far the subject matter will go (you don't have to tell me, you can leave it as a surprise ), especially the more brutal and intense fights with the Turtles.

Since this fanfic has many more chapters, compared to the Fred Wolf fanfics, I'll probably give my broader reviews here after every 5-10 chapters or so. It all depends on the pacing and how quickly the events pass in the fic, so it could fluctuate.

Until next time...

[ZariusTwo]

Thanks again J, I'll try to correct some of the minor aspects you pointed out when I have time.

I need to finish this script sometime, we're still good at the moment with the novel updates, but I've yet to conclude this whole peice. I do have the ending written, just how to lead into the final act that's the current stumbling block.

[BubblyShell22]

Aww, poor Irma. She was so close to kissing Don and then Maxwell had to ruin it. Awesome sample, Zar.

[Whatswiththeheadbands?]

i like how the turtles in the fan art on the first post look like the ones i grew up with - the 2003 incarnation