Has being a geek been hard on your love life?

[TheBlueTurtle1]

I am sure you will be fine

[Leo656]

Just curious but what exactly have you done to work on it so far? I ask because typically, that's a last-resort kind of solution. In that respect, your trepidation is understandable.

Keep in mind - as I'm sure you've been advised already - that in a sadly large number of cases, most of the recipients gain most if not all of the weight back within a few years. Especially if they don't undertake some radical lifestyle changes... which, ironically enough, would in some cases have prevented the need for surgery in the first place had they made those changes sooner.

Not putting heat on you or anything, I'm sure (or I'd hope) they've gone over all of this with you already. It's just literally my job to help nudge people in the right direction on things like this.

Originally Posted by shuriken

^^That's sounds pretty heavy. Pardon the pun. I had a friend of mine get her stomach stapled. She lost like a fifty pounds in a year but slowly gained it all back and then some. Wish you luck and wellness man.

Exactly. In a lot of cases, the person thinks they are "magically" thin now and can go back to the same lifestyle habits that got them in trouble in the first place without consequence. It's not just people who have the surgery, either. At the gym, tragically often I have people ask me, "So once I hit my goal, when can I STOP doing all this stuff?" Uhhh, NEVER? Some people somehow think their bodies are morphing statues that stay frozen in one place once they hit a magical, genetically predetermined "target" at one extreme or the other. I don't know what gives them that idea, but it's depressingly common.

[Amaranthus]

I have no love life.

[Creativemind]

Originally Posted by Leo656

Just curious but what exactly have you done to work on it so far? I ask because typically, that's a last-resort kind of solution. In that respect, your trepidation is understandable.

Keep in mind - as I'm sure you've been advised already - that in a sadly large number of cases, most of the recipients gain most if not all of the weight back within a few years. Especially if they don't undertake some radical lifestyle changes... which, ironically enough, would in some cases have prevented the need for surgery in the first place had they made those changes sooner.

Not putting heat on you or anything, I'm sure (or I'd hope) they've gone over all of this with you already. It's just literally my job to help nudge people in the right direction on things like this.



Exactly. In a lot of cases, the person thinks they are "magically" thin now and can go back to the same lifestyle habits that got them in trouble in the first place without consequence. It's not just people who have the surgery, either. At the gym, tragically often I have people ask me, "So once I hit my goal, when can I STOP doing all this stuff?" Uhhh, NEVER? Some people somehow think their bodies are morphing statues that stay frozen in one place once they hit a magical, genetically predetermined "target" at one extreme or the other. I don't know what gives them that idea, but it's depressingly common.

I've been exercising and calorie counting but unfortunatley I am now unable to exercise due to a Knee injury. I have severe inflammation that is going to require surgery but they won't do surgery until I lose at least 80 lbs so I was referred to a surgeon by the rheumatologist. Don't misunderstand though. I haven't given up on exercise I just can't do this on exercise alone. I don't even eat more than the average person I just absorb sugar differently than most is how my doctor put it. When I eat bread or something else with added sugars my body stores it as fat where as someone like my brother who eats candy all the time yet is 130 lbs absorbs very little of the sugar and just dumps the rest out of his system when he goes to the bathroom. The surgery will n ot only limit how much I can eat but can change how my body processes sugar also.

[Toitlefan]

Have no shame for who/what you are CreativeMind. I used to hide my geeky side but realized one day that if you don't embrace it no one will appreciate the real you. If they don't appreciate the real you then they don't deserve a place in your life. My girlfriend will joke around about me being a turtle nerd but I wear it with pride. Confidence goes a long way.

One other very important thing to remember (and something you can use as an argument), EVERYONE is some type of geek. There are music geeks, car/truck geeks, computer geeks and yes, even sports geeks. My girlfriend has a passion for geology and collects rocks. She calls me a turtle nerd, I call her a rock nerd. Ive been to multiple horror conventions and they are no less geeky than comic conventions. It's all a matter of perspective.

[ssjup81]

Originally Posted by Leo656

I was gonna say, I had a bad feeling it was gonna go that way for one reason or other. Even though some folks are just sharing their own experiences I can see how it can feel like "piling on".

My advice? Don't worry about it so much. One of my best buds has been in similar straights - even having a kid with a woman he shouldn't have even been with, just because he was so desperate to hang onto a relationship after being alone for so long... that ended in disaster - but now he's finally met "the right one", is happier than he's ever been, and is getting married soon. He's almost 35. And if anything, he's MORE of a geek now than when he was a kid (he does LARP and stuff like that, which probably would've gotten his ass kicked in high school if he wasn't captain of the wrestling team).

There's no blueprint for these things. Don't let a relationship, or lack of one, be the sole barometer of happiness in your life. Chin up, brother.

You know, I didn't know what LARP was until the Nick turtles show. I'd never heard of it.

Going back on-topic, Leo, as usual, is right. You shouldn't stress over it.

[Leo656]

Gotcha brother. Just had to ask.

[Amaranthus]

Originally Posted by Katie

Nope. I've had plenty of boyfriends of all types. From preppy ken doll guys to fellow geeks. From jocks to insanely smart guys.

No one ever had a problem with my geeky interests.

That's because men don't have standards.
Nah, just kidding.

[CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy]

Originally Posted by pennydreadful

That being said... if someone like me can end up in a long-term relationship, anyone can.

My advice is to be yourself, warts and all. Because I promise you, there are women out there who like D&D, and TMNT, and comics - hell, we've got several of them here. Geekery and relationships aren't mutually exclusive, and people of all weights are in relationships.

Have you tried finding or joining a community of people with similar interests? Comics stores, book stores (Barnes & Noble, et al), gaming stores all sometimes host community-type events or groups, where you might be able to find some people of similar interest. Become friends, and then see if it can go anywhere deeper. My two cents.

Myself, my wife and I share some of the same geeky interests (Pixar/Dreamworks, Captain America, Guardians of the Galaxy, Narnia, Tolkien, the Flash) but some of it I'm on my own (TMNT, Batman, Arrow). It's like a Venn diagram; I like some stuff exclusively, she likes some stuff exclusively, and we have some shared fandoms.

[Dirty Blond]

I would be legit embarrassed if my girlfriend was into Cosplay, and I don't mean she dated Bill Cosby.

[Prowler]

It's fine as long as you're confident and not obsessed with your hobby. It's not so much about being a "geek". It will only hold you back if you go overboard and act awkward. Adult life isn't high school.

There's shallow people yes... but don't waste time on them.

[Whatswiththeheadbands?]

No not at all.

That's because I don't have a Love life

[Amaranthus]

Originally Posted by Whatswiththeheadbands?

No not at all.

That's because I don't have a Love life

I totally ninja'd you.
Let's be sad together.

[plastroncafe]

My geekery has never negatively impacted my love life.

My social ineptness, insecurities, and neuroses...on the other hand...
Those take time and hard work to overcome. But man...lemme tell you, so worth it. So so worth it.

My suggestion: Paging Dr NerdLove.

Originally Posted by Dirty Blond

I would be legit embarrassed if my girlfriend was into Cosplay, and I don't mean she dated Bill Cosby.

Really? Well we all have our deal breakers.
Takes all kinds to make a world.

[BubblyShell22]

Not at all. My BF loves TMNT just like I do, and though he watches the show, he's not nearly as obsessed as I am about it, and that's okay. He's also a huge Star Wars fan, and though I've never gotten into that particular fandom per se, that doesn't mean that I wouldn't want to. I'd be willing to give the movies a chance just to see what they're like. We like some things together and some things on our own, but that's okay. It's all about balance and respecting each other, and that's the key to a good relationship no matter what you like or don't like. If a woman/man can't see that, then they're all wrong for you. And as others have said, you don't have to be in a relationship to be happy. Just keep your chin up and when you're not looking, the right one will come along. That's what happened to me, and we've been together for eleven years.

[pennydreadful]

Originally Posted by Creativemind

I'd say I'm pretty upfront about things. I just think women skim my profile. When it comes to my weight though it's usually something they thought they could see past but then decided later that they can not. Here is one of my photos that leaves nothing out.
https://scontent-b-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/...67677193_o.jpg

This is kind of a long post, but bear with me! I've seen people much heavier than you in relationships. It seems that you're unhappy with your weight and you're working on it, which is great - but don't by any means think that you need to look like a supermodel to attract someone.

I think what a lot of people forget is that looks fade - personality is forever. When you're 60 and you've wrinkled up to the point that your entire body feels like so much elbow skin, you need to be able to still enjoy talking to your partner. Of course looks matter (anyone who says otherwise is lying), but they matter more to some people than others. For me, I don't care how hot someone is - if they're a douchebag, I'm not going to be attracted them.

Conversely, someone who is not a chiseled monument to the beauty of the human form will still be attractive to me if they've got a good personality. My partner's a bigger dude - hell, I never thought that I'd ever be in a relationship with a man anyway; I always pictured my life partner as being a woman. But I met someone whose meat-suit just happened to be in the shape of a big hairy Irish dude with a shaved head and lo and behold - we clicked. Sometimes the shape of the container doesn't matter so much, y'know? It's what's inside it.

And based on your photo, you look like a person who would be interesting to talk to - I'd be more inclined to strike up a conversation with you based on your cosplay, because I think it looks awesome (and medieval stuff just rocks). Just because some people are put off by cosplay or D&D or comics does not mean that everyone is. Some people like to seek out partners who are different from them - some like to stick with those who are similar. Like I said earlier, we're all different.

Don't worry so much about how you're perceived, or about what others think of you. Just be yourself and you'll probably be surprised by how many people end up liking you just the way you are, whether they're friends or lovers. Sure, you can go through life worrying about whether you're "socially acceptable" in other peoples' eyes, but it seems like a lot of effort for something that doesn't matter a whole lot, IMO. We only get one life on this miserable dustball - spend it doing what makes you happy, not trying to fit into what people think you should be.

Originally Posted by Creativemind

Trust me, I've been working on it. I'm actually scheduled for weight loss surgery, which I'm terrified of.

Originally Posted by Creativemind

The surgery will n ot only limit how much I can eat but can change how my body processes sugar also.

What kind of surgery are you going for - is it going to be gastric banding? I don't know what your diet's like but I'd suggest upping your protein and lowering your carbs as well, if sugar is a problem.

[XERO]

I'm not the greatest looking person on the planet, and I can't move around as good as I used to due to my muscle condition, but I take what I do have and what I can offer. Believe it or not, what I have, my "charisma" or whatever you want to call it, it attracts people. Back then, I used to consider myself a geek-ish type. I even have a TMNT poster (that I got at an convention) on my closet door, along with a Scott Pilgrim poster on my main door.

I'm also 30 years old and just had my first kiss last month by one of my closest female friends. I'm not gonna f*ck that up and say she's my girlfriend, but it has to mean something if she always comes over just to hang out with me. No other girl has done that, let alone come over. And she accepts me for who and what I am, so that obviously means a lot to me, too.

So, either I'm paranoid as f*ck, or I have the patience of a snail. I already have the speed of one, haha. Either way, I think that answers this thread's question, somewhat.

[Netkeeper]

Having sex burns calories...

[CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy]

Originally Posted by XERO

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.n...ac8141f224c9f3

I'm not the greatest looking person on the planet, and I can't move around as good as I used to due to my muscle condition, but I take what I do have and what I can offer. Believe it or not, what I have, my "charisma" or whatever you want to call it, it attracts people. Back then, I used to consider myself a geek-ish type. I even have a TMNT poster (that I got at an convention) on my closet door, along with a Scott Pilgrim poster on my main door.

I'm also 30 years old and just had my first kiss last month by one of my closest female friends. I'm not gonna f*ck that up and say she's my girlfriend, but it has to mean something if she always comes over just to hang out with me. No other girl has done that, let alone come over. And she accepts me for who and what I am, so that obviously means a lot to me, too.

So, either I'm paranoid as f*ck, or I have the patience of a snail. I already have the speed of one, haha. Either way, I think that answers this thread's question, somewhat.

Genuinely happy for you, bro!

[lindz247]

Originally Posted by Netkeeper

Having sex burns calories...

Umm...

Not really interested in love life yet but I still crush...I'm not crazy.
When I see a boy I like I freeze up and put on the awkward mode haha
I have plenty of friends too (most girls) and almost all know I like TMNT no problem.
I like being single anyway and it's fun to flirt sometimes but not too hard