Has being a geek been hard on your love life?

[Netkeeper]

Originally Posted by poll options

I'm invisible to the opposite sex.

Well this part is true, but that's because I'm gay. :V Remember kiddies, not everyone wants the opposite gender.

I only make friends, much less date, with people that have similar interests. I don't know how to communicate if interests aren't shared. I don't think this dampens my love life at all, though.

[Creativemind]

Yeah, I've tried dating sites for ten years now. It goes great until they meet me In person.

[Netkeeper]

I don't know you, but generally people that actively seek relationships but have trouble tend to have personality aspects that romantic interests don't like for one reason or another. It rarely has anything to do with interests and hobbies.

[Leo656]

Originally Posted by Creativemind

Yeah, I've tried dating sites for ten years now. It goes great until they meet me In person.

Without prying too deeply, any idea why that might be? Just curious.

[TheBlueTurtle1]

If so one judges you so harshly then find someone else.

[Creativemind]

Originally Posted by Leo656

Without prying too deeply, any idea why that might be? Just curious.

Most I just never hear from again others say it's because we didn't have enough in common and the there are a few that have told me I am too fat. The kicker of it is the girls who rejected me for my weight were just as overweight as myself. But the few that stick around long enough and date me for weeks eventually leave because they find out things about me they find embarrassing like one girl after two weeks found out I play D&D and stopped talking to me. I ran m into her at a bar years later, she was drunk and confessed to me that she thought I was a loser when she found out.

[MsMarvelDuckie]

Originally Posted by Creativemind

Most I just never hear from again others say it's because we didn't have enough in common and the there are a few that have told me I am too fat. The kicker of it is the girls who rejected me for my weight were just as overweight as myself. But the few that stick around long enough and date me for weeks eventually leave because they find out things about me they find embarrassing like one girl after two weeks found out I play D&D and stopped talking to me. I ran m into her at a bar years later, she was drunk and confessed to me that she thought I was a loser when she found out.

That is sad. Sounds like that chick has a shallow view of what it means to be a loser. Though perhaps you might be more upfront about that in your hobbies/interests part of your dating profiles? Heck, there ARE gamer-chicks out there- I'm one of 'em- so it may just be a matter of adjusting your profile to include those things. Trust me, the right one is out here, and you'll find 'em eventually- it just takes a little patience and sometimes, the right kind of help. BTW, I'm good with love-spells!!! (ie, finding or blossoming, not forcing it, just to be clear here. I'm a witch-LOVE-doctor, LOL!!)

[Powder]

Not to excuse shallow behavior, but if people can't tell that you're a hardcore geek based on your self-descriptions or that you're fat from your photos, they're not entirely at fault. Plus, if you're trying to date people that aren't into the same things as you, a personality clash is to be expected, & again, that's on you. Sounds to me like you're not going about things the right way.

[Candy Kappa]

being a geek have not been any dampener om my love life. The way I asked my partner out was "My Charisma versus Will" and I rolled a d20 die.

[Leo656]

Honestly it does sound like you could stand to do a little self-improvement. In part, it sounds like you may not always be as upfront with people beforehand as you should be, which I understand if you're worried about scaring them off before they even meet you, but it's deceptive and self-defeating.

Secondly, regardless of whether or not the girl is overweight, very few girls are super-attracted to heavier guys. I don't know you or what you look like, but if that's a common complaint, you may want to do something about that. Not trying to sound harsh, but with most girls, personality and common interests only go so far when it comes to what kind of guys they go for. Lots of girls are a little bit more shallow than they're willing to admit, that's just a fact of life.

Not trying to be a jerk or anything, just going off of the little info you've shared it sounds like you could tighten up your game a little bit.

[pennydreadful]

Do you think maybe you're trying to hide some parts of yourself - like your hobbies - because you feel ashamed of them? That could be part of the problem.

I don't think that someone's life is meaningless unless they're in a relationship - it's nice to meet someone, sure, but it's not essential to a fulfilling life.

That being said... if someone like me can end up in a long-term relationship, anyone can.

My advice is to be yourself, warts and all. Because I promise you, there are women out there who like D&D, and TMNT, and comics - hell, we've got several of them here. Geekery and relationships aren't mutually exclusive, and people of all weights are in relationships.

[pandaderek]

For some people, it's convenient that their significant other shares similar interests. For me, it's boring. All my hobbies are done at my own pace or are dependent on my situation; I'm never in competition with anyone, I'm very private with my hobbies. Like, I don't try to keep up with the latest episodes of Ninja Turtles to discuss it with others. I'll watch it when I feel like it. I'm willing to put my interest on hold, to tour through other people's interests, especially, food.

Honestly, from my experience, when you meet a lot of people, your interests will change because you will be introduced to a lot more things. Eventually, you'll lose interests in old hobbies. I used to build computers, for fun, and loved playing old video games on my 386 (*high five* to my computer nerds know who know what a 386 is). Now, I watch a lot of movies, especially, chick flicks with my girl. I even let her put make-up on me, so that she could practice for school (no pictures will be provided).

So, you have to make a choice in how social you want to be. If you just want to be social with people with similar interests, then, you're decreasing your chances to be in a relationship. But, if you're willing share new interests, you're opening your chances to be with more people. I prefer the latter, because I've experienced and shared so many things with many great people, that I would've given up a lot more of my hobbies, earlier, if I knew ahead of time.

But, that's just my experience.

[Katie]

I don't think it's necessarily true that girls tend to gravitate away from heavy guys. I have found that looking back on the guys I've dated that it's actually my type for a guy to be shorter and heavier (not muscely though. I don't like muscely guys)

And in my life I have ranged from overweight to anorexic small so it really never is a reflection of my size.

For every body type out there, there is someone who finds it attractive.

And I agree with not limiting to similar hobbies. Just be honest about who you are (because nothing is more of a turn off than someone hiding something) and be a regular somewhere. You'll find someone.

[Creativemind]

Originally Posted by Netkeeper

Well this part is true, but that's because I'm gay. :V Remember kiddies, not everyone wants the opposite gender.

Oops. Yeah, sorry. Didn't think that through.

[ShelleyQuick]

Nope, my husband is just as much of a geek as I am. He won't admit though

[Creativemind]

Originally Posted by pennydreadful

Do you think maybe you're trying to hide some parts of yourself - like your hobbies - because you feel ashamed of them? That could be part of the problem.

I don't think that someone's life is meaningless unless they're in a relationship - it's nice to meet someone, sure, but it's not essential to a fulfilling life.

That being said... if someone like me can end up in a long-term relationship, anyone can.

My advice is to be yourself, warts and all. Because I promise you, there are women out there who like D&D, and TMNT, and comics - hell, we've got several of them here. Geekery and relationships aren't mutually exclusive, and people of all weights are in relationships.

I'd say I'm pretty upfront about things. I just think women skim my profile. When it comes to my weight though it's usually something they thought they could see past but then decided later that they can not. Here is one of my photos that leaves nothing out.

[Netkeeper]

You've got a cute face, honestly. I've known bigger guys that have found people. Patience, my friend.

[TheBlueTurtle1]

Originally Posted by Leo656

Honestly it does sound like you could stand to do a little self-improvement. In part, it sounds like you may not always be as upfront with people beforehand as you should be, which I understand if you're worried about scaring them off before they even meet you, but it's deceptive and self-defeating.

Secondly, regardless of whether or not the girl is overweight, very few girls are super-attracted to heavier guys. I don't know you or what you look like, but if that's a common complaint, you may want to do something about that. Not trying to sound harsh, but with most girls, personality and common interests only go so far when it comes to what kind of guys they go for. Lots of girls are a little bit more shallow than they're willing to admit, that's just a fact of life.

Not trying to be a jerk or anything, just going off of the little info you've shared it sounds like you could tighten up your game a little bit.

I agree with this for the most part. I guess it's about balance. You need to make some effort, because most people are shallow to some degree. If your weight is an issue, make it better! You don't need to become Slim Jim of the year, but it would be better for your health.

I think the main part of being in a relationship, is comparise.

Talk out your problems and see if you can meet in the middle.

[Creativemind]

Originally Posted by TheBlueTurtle1

I agree with this for the most part. I guess it's about balance. You need to make some effort, because most people are shallow to some degree. If your weight is an issue, make it better! You don't need to become Slim Jim of the year, but it would be better for your health.

Trust me, I've been working on it. I'm actually scheduled for weight loss surgery, which I'm terrified of.

[shuriken]

^^That's sounds pretty heavy. Pardon the pun. I had a friend of mine get her stomach stapled. She lost like a fifty pounds in a year but slowly gained it all back and then some. Wish you luck and wellness man.

Originally Posted by Powder

What, my admitting to being big? Do people try to act as if they're not? I sure as hell couldn't pull that off, at least not in person.

Well I've met quite a few people that are in denial. Although it's mostly women that I've heard. Guys don't have as much pressure to fit the societal mold as much as women I suppose. Not saying its like that everywhere, just going by personal experience.